[krisakira]

It is a long story with my boyfriend's mom. Let me just set the scene. Clay (now 49) moved in with his mom (now 72) about 4 or 5 years ago, to help her out. Three years ago, I moved from OH to KS to move in with Clay and his mom. For a while we moved out and had our own apartment (he and I) while he was working. He lost his job a year ago. Hasn't been able to find one since. So we lost the apartment and had to move back in with his mom. I have a low income because I'm on disability SSI, and he has no income except what he takes out of his mom's income (disability and retirement) for helping her out, with basically everything, because she chose to be very sedentary and have others do everything for her. So that is the setting. We can't move out cause we don't have the money, and she is dependent on Clay as her primary caretaker. She cannot live on her own anymore. We are kinda stuck. Actually very stuck.

Now that that is out of the way....

She is really difficult to live with. She complains about pain and the doctors tell her she needs regular exercise. She tells the doctors she's doing the exercises, but she does not. Then she complains more. A couple months ago, she had major back surgery to fix her scoliosis. She was told to exercise regularly and that she would improve. She doesn't. She is not only not improving at all, but she has gotten even worse. Anyway, it's just really difficult to live with her when she doesn't take responsibility and expects everyone to do everything for her. She tells us she has to live vicariously through us, because she chooses not to have her own life. Clay has gotten mad at her when she accuses him of not doing something for her (even when she doesn't remember that she never asked in the first place), and Clay has had enough. He will yell at her sometimes. His mom blames me because she says he didn't yell at her before I came along. Trust me I have nothing to do with it. He has just grown tired of it.

Okay so the story would be much much longer if I went into all the details, but trust me, it is just bad.

Today, something happened which is the reason why I have written all about this. She has a problem with begging for people to give her something or do something such as give her food that isn't hers, or go get fast food. She has diabetes and she should not be eating candy stuff. Well, Clay and I went to the movies and I got sour punch straws candy. I came home with some and she asked if she could have one. I said no, cause they're my favorite candy and I wanted them to myself, and she shouldn't be eating sweets anyway. She then said please? so I said "I said no" "Pleeeeeaaaasssse?" NO "Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeee?" IT was sooooo annoying I got so frustrated and something inside me snapped. I crumbled up the candy and thew it on the floor in between us, and yelled "Have the whole damn thing!" Clay and I then left the house, we chilled at walmart while I cooled off... I can't tell you how annoyed she was. I want people to take me seriously when I say no. Why can't it just be no and that's it? It was my candy, and I decide if anyone can have any. Please do not tell me I could have avoided it by giving her candy, because that is not the answer. She was not allowed to have sweets. Too many times have people ignored my "no" especially when I was raped. It triggered something deep.

So I'm still feeling pretty uncomfortable especially when I have to go through the living room where she sits all day, to get to the kitchen to get a drink or food. I just don't make eye contact, even though I know she stares at me. Oh and later on today, I went by her in the living room to go get the mail, and she told me, "You can have that back, I don't like it." so i said "whatever" and just left. I don't want it back. I bought more candy at walmart.

Clay and I have come up with a plan, even though it's risky. Clay has put up with her his whole life and I can't imagine how hard that was. She neglected his needs growing up. I go to college and am qualified to take out over $12,000 in student loans on top of the grant money which pays for college alone. (The grant money pays for all tuition, while 12K would be extra). I have decided to take out the 12K and use it to help Clay and me move out and cut all ties with his mother. We would get an apartment and while he was looking for a crap job like walmart, we would use the student loan money to move and pay rent for a few months. I also want to see if i could get us government assisted living because I'm on disability. I will get the first $6,000 by the end of August, and the other $6,000 in january. So that means we can move out in August. My mom thinks it's a terrible idea because we would have to pay it all back when I'm done with college, but I don't see any other way. We will move out in August and have nothing to do with her.

I cannot wait till August, and it will be a miracle if we can tolerate her till then. I have not given all the details to describe just how horrible it is to live with her, so just trust me that it is bad. We can't take it anymore. The candy thing might seem minor, but it is the tip of a very deep iceberg.

Thanks for reading this, I know it's long. Feels good to get it out, and I would like some support. But please for my sake, don't share your thoughts if you don't trust me that it is a very bad situation. Please don't say that he is her mother and that therefore we should treat her better. Anything else is welcome. I just don't want to get even more upset. I want people to understand and trust me. Thank you

[Confusedinomicon]

I would probably wait until you get government assisted living, or until Clay gets a job. If you wait until August you can give him enough time to find work.

Learn as much as you can about student loans. Talk to a financial advisor about what payment plans would look like and how long after school you have to pay them. School loans WILL multiple and drown you if your not prepared.

[krisakira]

I already have some school loans so I know how it works.

[Confusedinomicon]

You wont be able to move until August, though, right? If he can work for a month or two you can save the money and use less of the loans to leave. Government assistance can take a while to get, too. May as well start early.