The only friends I have now are superficial—they're people I can hang out with, that's it. No one to get close to and no one to talk to if I'm upset. There's two reasons I can think of for this:

1. Even if I try, it's not possible to be in an "equal" relationship with someone else. I'll always need more support. At the moment, I don't get any support, just so I can keep it fair. Even if I offer to give support or to help people with something (like homework when I was in school) I get shot down with this attitude that I would be the LAST person they would ever ask for help of any kind even if I offer it! So I don't offer it anymore. And then I don't get the support I need, but hey it's fair now right?

2. If I get close to someone emotionally, I get a crush on them and usually have really strong and obviously inappropriate feelings towards them and would probably get jealous if they were dating someone or even getting attention or even talking about it (I'm thinking of a specific girl that I was close to once). So once I get close, I get a crush, and it's game over. I can't even talk to them again. And it's not a matter of just being friends with one gender since I'm attracted to both. And even someone being nice to me or pretending they care can make me get a crush on them which pretty much destroys the friendship because apparently no one understands that I need space to get over these extreme feelings if I'm to have a healthy friendship with them.

So, right now, I'm nice, friendly, and helpful to everyone, but I don't create lasting friendships that are more than superficial. I don't think I'm capable of having close friends until I have an outlet for my physical affection needs (i.e. dating someone) and from most of what I've heard, I can't date anyone unless I have friends. So deep down, I'm cold-hearted and bitter. So, pretty much, I'd make a horrible friend anyway...no wonder anyone I begin to get close to runs away. I would too.

I just wonder if anyone can relate? Is there a way to be close friends with someone (bond with them) without...well...in the crudest way possible, want to **** them? I had a friend like that once—no attraction, but we had a fight over the fact that I'm attracted to both genders and we're not close anymore. I don't feel like I can trust her.

[Confusedinomicon]

Maybe seeing a therapist and learning how to create boundaries would help? It sounds like you start to idolize the other person which has potential to mess up the friendship.

I'm not sure if seeing a therapist would help...I don't trust them enough to confide in them. And it isn't a matter of looking for the "right one", I don't trust ANY of them.

So, is it possibly to control who you are attracted to, as I always heard that you can't help who you fall for. I guess by not getting close to people, I prevent myself from getting crushes.