[k12573n]

I have experienced this sensation over and over again with several different men over the last two-three years especially. I meet a great, sweet, interesting, funny, stable (relatively) guy and I'm smitten for a few weeks until suddenly I realize one day that I must get as far away from them as possible.

I feel repulsed by them looking at me, touching me, talking to me. It makes it worse when they try to comfort me and I seem to mentally emasculate them at some point through all of this. I cringe at the thought of them being near me and once literally ran away from them. I sever communication, ignore their calls and texts, usually without any explanation (how can I explain something like this??). I hate it because the feelings seem real in the beginning, then I suddenly deconstruct all of them, tear down the good views I have of the person, and can only see weakness in them. I feel that I'm incapable of accepting love and, therefore, am unlovable.

I don't know how to change these feelings or where they even come from but it is extremely frustrating and I don't enjoy hurting others despite feeling I have no other choice.

I was like that when I was younger. I'd be so into them at the beginning, convinced sometimes that they were 'the one' and then I just couldn't bear them even hugging me, let alone kissing after a short while. As you say, repulsed. Even if on paper they seemed great, and there were some things that they did I thought were real good character strengths, I just couldn't stop myself from feeling that way. I did have a couple of exceptions to the pattern tho, a couple of guys I adored for a long time.

I put it down to a mixture of things, being not ready for a relationship at that time, no matter how I felt at the beginning and simply that those guys were not for me.

Why not have a break from dating? I did (but that was because an ex was abusive too), but it also did me a world of good. When I met my other half, I was more peaceful with myself and able to work through some of the issues with myself once the smitten stage wore off. I love him more than ever because I stuck with it and came out the other side, as it were, but there was always something different about him which kept me going, I thought he was something special and I think I am right. I just hope he feels the same!!

I don't think you are unlovable..

Hugs.

[k12573n]

Thank you, I'm glad to hear it from someone else. My mom and sister think I'm a freak because I've met so many great guys and after a short period of time just can't stand to be around them; they don't understand it. I'm glad you found someone you're good with, that gives me hope.

Thanks for the warm words.