[5Stringer]

Last night I posted about my complicated relationship, but here's another thing that's sending me on an emotional roller coaster. I'll try to keep this one shorter.

I was born into a Mormon family, and had been a firm believer in the faith until very recently; always attending church meetings and praying, etc. For a long time my parents and I were looking forward to me turning 19 (Though they recently changed the minimum age to 18) so that I could serve a mission. After I left my parents (who live in Indonesia) for college, I very suddenly became inactive in the church, though I was taking a Book of Mormon class for college that my parents recommended I enroll in.

Up until now, I felt guilty about not going to church, since I still I believed in it's teachings. But about a week ago I realized "Hey, a lot of stuff doesn't add up. Why don't I feel empty because of the lack of blessings that I would normally get from praying and going to church? I don't feel things have changed a bit!" Of course, I could go on and on about things that gradually increased my skepticism, but I don't feel it's necessary.

So now I have to face something that feels very strange to me: disappointing my parents for something I genuinely feel is the right thing to do. To top it all off, my oldest brother is still a devout Mormon, and I have a very strong relationship with him and his family. I'm honestly not sure what's going to happen when I tell this to everyone, and to put it simply, I'm scared!

[Perna]

If I were in your shoes, I would see if I could find other former Mormons and talk with them. If you have a close non-family Mormon counselor/friend, I might talk with them too. I would maybe write out what you are thinking and feeling, get you thoughts, feelings, doubts, questions, etc. clear at least in your own mind so you are firm in what you do know/believe so you do not get swamped by others responses to you when you tell them?

[Leed]

Hello SS ~ I think I can understand. While I was not born Mormon, I had to face the same thing when I left my own church.

See, I was born Catholic, and had to follow all the teachings, etc. There are rites we have during our growing up years "bring us into the church." I believed during all those years, until I got into my teens, and then things didn't make sense. I began questioning things -- why this, and why that? But no one would answer me -- I was supposed to blindly follow. Which I suppose is what faith is all about -- but some questions COULD have been answered and instead I got a swift whack with a ruler by the NUN who taught us.

I talked to my Mother, and told her that some things just didn't add up -- and the fact that no one in the church would even answer my questions made me suspicious! She told me the same thing -- Faith. Well, at the time that wasn't enough. And the cruelty (more than just the whack of the ruler!!) of the Nuns was too much so I told her I couldn't attend anymore, and I was leaving the Church.

She wasn't happy, but since I was 17 at the time, there really wasn't much she could do about it. The Church has pretty much "brain washed" us anyway, and for YEARS I had major problems and had to see a therapist to try to handle these problems.

I agree you should talk to former Mormons and see how they handled it. But don't stay in a church and blindly agree with everything. I think it's good that you should question.

God bless and please take care! Hugs, Lee

This is what I'd do: First tell them something outrageous like "I'm pregnant/got someone pregnant" or "I'm gay!" and then when they are shocked about that say, "Just kidding, I just don't want to be Mormon anymore". Could make it less of an issue in light of perspective. Good luck!

The absolute worse thing that can happen is to find yourself totally shunned and cut off from all those you love and care about.

If you think you are ready and able to survive that, then go ahead and reveal your truth.

If you aren't sure you can survive that, then before you say or do anything make sure you have a good support network in place.

It isn't easy to be totally cut off from all we've ever known, loved and cared about, but sometimes it's necessary and vital to our physical and emotional well-being.

Wishing you the best,

Pfrog

[winter4me]

I agree with Pfrog.
Unless your parents are Mormons who would refuse to shun you, you will need much support, also agree that talking with former Mormons will be very helpful. Best to you!