[RKORyder]

I'm extremely confused. I'm in a very loving relationship but sometimes it seems very one sided. Let me explain...

My boyfriend, Drew, is very affectionate and is always there for me. We dated on and off for about 8 months and eventually slept together. Before we slept together, he was basicly the center of my universe. Afterwards... I just didn't feel the same. Not as strongly. I love him to death but somehow it just doesn't seem like he's what I want anymore. When I'm with him I feel content and pretty happy but when I'm away from him, like at work, I start having second thoughts. I don't really want to give him up since I've worked so hard on getting us to where we are now.

Recently, he's been bringing up marriage and kids and all that. Honestly, if this was brought up about a month or so ago, before we did anything, I'd be all for it and happy as a clam. But right now... it kinda makes me uncomfortable. Like I'm not ready for it when I used to be.

I'm not really sure what to do. part of me wants to break it off since the feelings are as strong as before and the other part of me doesn't want to give up what I worked so hard for.

What should I do?

[hamster-bamster]

Let the passage of time resolve any ambiguities. Do not get married and have kids. That is pretty much all.

[eskielover]

We dated on and off for about 8 months and eventually slept together. Before we slept together, he was basicly the center of my universe. Afterwards... I just didn't feel the same.

So what about sleeping together changed your feelings for him?

I've worked so hard on getting us to where we are now.

But that was before you changed your feelings for him....would you have worked so hard with the different feelings you have now?

Just wondering if you expected fireworks to go off when you slept together because that's not what it's all about.....but if you really don't have an attraction to him which is what marriage is about.....then definitely you need to be honest about YOUR FEELINGS toward him.

If your feelings were more that you expected to feel different about him when you slept together & it didn't meet your expectations on that....you need to think about what you really do want in a husband & be totally honest with yourself.

Definitely DO NOT GET MARRIED if there is any really serious reason that you have for changing your feelings about him. I know that I had issues with my H's personality before I ever got married & wanted to call off the wedding because of it......stupidly I didn't listen to my own gut feelings & listened to my mother's comment that he would grow up & become responsible when he had to.

That wasn't the case & the personality issues I had with him ended up causing our marriage to fail from the very beginning. I didn't trust him to make wise decisions because he was constantly NOT making wise decisions....I was constantly fighting with him about the things I felt were wrong. Not trusting him from the beginning & the personality issues I had with him....made for a horrible marriage. I hid in my career after getting my degree & managed to stay in the same house with all the fighting for 33 years.....I was finally able to leave just 6 years ago.

You need to be honest with yourself....& if there is a big reason you feel different about him now than you did before....then listen to it...but only you know if it's a truly serious issue or not.

[healingme4me]

If you are having reservations, about marriage to him, then I'd suggest not going down that road.

If you aren't feeling satisfied in that area, marriage is a long time to not be satisfied.

OR, of this brought out something inside of you, that is pushing him away from your idea of marriage, then perhaps some counseling to get to the core reason of what changed your mind.

Originally Posted by RKORyder

I'm extremely confused. I'm in a very loving relationship but sometimes it seems very one sided. Let me explain...

My boyfriend, Drew, is very affectionate and is always there for me. We dated on and off for about 8 months and eventually slept together. Before we slept together, he was basicly the center of my universe. Afterwards... I just didn't feel the same. Not as strongly. I love him to death but somehow it just doesn't seem like he's what I want anymore. When I'm with him I feel content and pretty happy but when I'm away from him, like at work, I start having second thoughts. I don't really want to give him up since I've worked so hard on getting us to where we are now.

Recently, he's been bringing up marriage and kids and all that. Honestly, if this was brought up about a month or so ago, before we did anything, I'd be all for it and happy as a clam. But right now... it kinda makes me uncomfortable. Like I'm not ready for it when I used to be.

I'm not really sure what to do. part of me wants to break it off since the feelings are as strong as before and the other part of me doesn't want to give up what I worked so hard for.

What should I do?

[RKORyder]

Well my friend sat us down last night and we talked everything out. I'm still not ready for marriage but I'm more determined to stay with him.
I found out some things about him that somehow changed my second thoughts.
But thank you all for your insight. It's helped alot.