[silver reeds]

Internal & external signs someone close is drifting away from you

Hey-i'm new

Wasn't sure where to EXACTLY post this, but here goes..

Can you give me some signs that someone close is drifting away from you?

It would also be interesting to mention internal signs(e.g missing that person) as well as physical external signs(e.g less phone calls)

Thank you so much

[FooZe]

Hi, silver reeds, welcome to Psych Central!

As far as I can tell, there are no signs; or rather, what any given "sign" means, is going to depend a lot on the context. If you find yourself missing someone, it could be that they're drifting away from you, or that you've drifted away from them and you don't like it, or that you're worrying about what would happen if you and they did drift apart... etc.

Less phone calling could mean that one or the other of you is losing interest -- and/or that one or the other of you is busier than usual with other things, and/or that you're feeling more secure with each other and don't need to reassure each other as often that you're still there.

I'd recommend that you (1.) look and see what any such "signs" seem to be saying to you; (2.) don't believe everything you think, especially not the first time you happen to think it; (3.) look for other indications, in your own experience as well as around you, that the "signs" do or don't fit with what else you know; and (4.) once you have a pretty good idea just what it is that you want to know, try asking the other person.

For me, it's much more common for any two people to cross paths briefly, then resume going in their respective directions, than it is for them to find themselves following the same path for long. When the latter does happen, I'd call it a sign that both of them chose it that way.

[TanyaP]

Originally Posted by silver reeds

Internal & external signs someone close is drifting away from you

Hey-i'm new

Wasn't sure where to EXACTLY post this, but here goes..

Can you give me some signs that someone close is drifting away from you?

It would also be interesting to mention internal signs(e.g missing that person) as well as physical external signs(e.g less phone calls)

Thank you so much

When someone close is drifting away you can always feel it on the emotional level. Less phone calls is not always a sign of the person drifting away, maybe they are just getting busier with their job or relatives. At times we want the person we care for to be paying attention to us 24/7, and that way we are just killing a relationship. Every human being needs some time to themselves, as everyone has their job, relatives, interests and hobbies. If a person is really drifting away it normally shows in the way of them getting more withdrawn, less interested in spending time talking and discussing with you even if they have free time.. But if they don't have that free time available you shouldn't get any negative feeling! And the best way to see if you are still important and mean a lot to your close person or not, is when you get some problems. Will they be there for you? will they try to really help? Answers to these questions are also answers to whether they are still close to you or drifting away..

[silver reeds]

Thankyou so much for both of your replies. I'm new here as you know and you responded in an efficient and warm manner.esp FooZe.
I think alot of it is me worrying that the person is going to drift away and break the connection off. I like them alot so it makes it more intense. The contact has defiantly been less compared to what it was when we first connnected 9 months ago. However after i wrote this message on here they contacted me again and it felt OK. However i do sense a LESS contact process. However i do not feel the quality off our connection has reduced. I just worry about drifting when the calls are less.

[silver reeds]

Originally Posted by FooZe

Hi, silver reeds, welcome to Psych Central!

As far as I can tell, there are no signs; or rather, what any given "sign" means, is going to depend a lot on the context. If you find yourself missing someone, it could be that they're drifting away from you, or that you've drifted away from them and you don't like it, or that you're worrying about what would happen if you and they did drift apart... etc.

Less phone calling could mean that one or the other of you is losing interest -- and/or that one or the other of you is busier than usual with other things, and/or that you're feeling more secure with each other and don't need to reassure each other as often that you're still there.

I'd recommend that you (1.) look and see what any such "signs" seem to be saying to you; (2.) don't believe everything you think, especially not the first time you happen to think it; (3.) look for other indications, in your own experience as well as around you, that the "signs" do or don't fit with what else you know; and (4.) once you have a pretty good idea just what it is that you want to know, try asking the other person.

For me, it's much more common for any two people to cross paths briefly, then resume going in their respective directions, than it is for them to find themselves following the same path for long. When the latter does happen, I'd call it a sign that both of them chose it that way.

Hey-i tried posting and after i writing a long post-it dissapeared!grrr

Ok, firstly thank you so much to both of you.Esp FooZe for your reply.

Without going into too much detail, i've been seeing this person for 9 months and the past 2 months the calls have ebcome less, emails less etc.

However after my concerns and writing on here, they rang back again and replied to emails. I now feel comfortable in saying that the quality is still there if not more so , but the quantity is less. I think it's feeling more secure with each other. I'm still not sure. I'd be very sad to see this person drift away, however i'm a firm believer in not chasing and giving space. So, i'm just hanging back and going 50-50 with the communication.

(also, any idea how i put an avatar up of my face rather than a panther? lol)

[hamster-bamster]

It could be that you and the person have discussed and exchanged opinions on most things that were pressing in your minds and have progressed to the next stage of the relationship in which a common frame of references has already been established and email contact has become more routine.

[silver reeds]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

It could be that you and the person have discussed and exchanged opinions on most things that were pressing in your minds and have progressed to the next stage of the relationship in which a common frame of references has already been established and email contact has become more routine.

Hey, thank you so much for your input. How are you?

Can you simplify that or elaborate? sorry, i don't quite grasp it. Sounds really useful though

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by silver reeds

Hey, thank you so much for your input. How are you?

Can you simplify that or elaborate? sorry, i don't quite grasp it. Sounds really useful though

I meant that people may exchange a lot of information in the beginning of the relationship in an effort to get to know each other. Later, once they settle a bit, they may not have as many exchanges as before. This is not true of all relationships, but is true of some, so you can consider this as a possibility.

[silver reeds]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I meant that people may exchange a lot of information in the beginning of the relationship in an effort to get to know each other. Later, once they settle a bit, they may not have as many exchanges as before. This is not true of all relationships, but is true of some, so you can consider this as a possibility.

Ah i see. Thankyou. I understand now. It's a positive way of looking at it too.

[tohelpafriend]

What are the internal signs. If someone drifts away from me, I expect an explanation, espec. if love was "thought" to be in it...or plans for the future. I think men more than women feel entitled to not have to give any reasons for the change in heart or mind....this is like emotional robbery....and very common in online relationships. I sure need to know what the internal signs are...any thoughts other than 'thinking about the person'?

[silver reeds]

Originally Posted by tohelpafriend

What are the internal signs. If someone drifts away from me, I expect an explanation, espec. if love was "thought" to be in it...or plans for the future. I think men more than women feel entitled to not have to give any reasons for the change in heart or mind....this is like emotional robbery....and very common in online relationships. I sure need to know what the internal signs are...any thoughts other than 'thinking about the person'?

Hey.Thanks for replying.

Yes, i agree. A lot of men think it's fine to just cut off and drift.

I feel a sense of this person drifting,,They are definitely contacting me less now.We still have a good chat though.But the intensity has gone.
They also don't like being asked too many questions as to what there emotional state is and they also don't like dealing with another persons emotions when expressed. They feel it's 'heavy'.