[Pinkie118]

I was wondering if maybe anyone else has had this experience or even just some input on the situation.

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half. We've lived together since this past September. We had a conversation last night that I've been thinking on. He isn't sure that he'll ever want to get married. I on the other hand know that I want to at some point. Not tomorrow, and most likely not even next year. Him and I have had some small issues to work through (it's in the sex and gender issues somewhere if you're curious lol), but what it comes down to is that I do love him very much and he makes me very happy.

I'm certainly not going to break up with him over this at this point in time because, again, I'm generally happy with our relationship and do love him tons. I'm just curious on what other people would think or do in this situation. If maybe ending it at some point will have to happen.

I think I also just have a tendency to worry and over think everything so maybe I'm just doing that. Just curious of the opinions on this or if anyone has gone through this.

And if it's of any relevance, I'm female, 29 and I have been engaged before (once) and am very glad I never got married to him (for various reasons and still proud I left that situation).

So any input or thoughts are welcome

[RomanSunburn]

When I was dating my husband, we had several discussions, even fights over a kind of similar issue. He knew that he wanted kids one day. I wasn't sure if I'd ever want kids. I used to tell him he should break up with me because I didn't think that I would be enough for him without kids and at one point, he didn't know if I would be either. Anyone who heard about this would tell us to break up, we're not matched well, this will only cause problems down the road. But we loved each other and didn't really want to break up. Well, eventually, he decided he'd rather be with me than anyone else, regardless of whether or not we have kids.

Ironically enough... we got married and then shortly after my husband got a really good, stable, well paying job, and all of a sudden my baby clock started ticking after my whole life of not expecting to ever want kids. And now he's more on the fence about having kids, anyways.

I don't know if that was any help at all. But it just seems like kids and marriage are the two things couples should agree on before getting in too deep. But we didn't agree, and we decided to just give it time, and eventually it all worked itself out. I can't say if that's what you should do or not. Maybe my husband and I just got lucky; I'm sure things could have turned out a lot worse for us. But then, it's all a learning experience anyways.

Good luck!

[Neptune83]

I was with my sons dad for 11 years. In the beginning I wanted to get married one day, but he had made it clear that marriage to him, was just a piece of paper. He didn't want to get married. I think marriage to me is important because I feel it is an expression of your love for one another and it cements things, because I'd only want to get married once, to someone who I truly love.
We never did get married and we did eventually split. Not because of the differences of opinion but because we just weren't working.
I met my husband in 2010 and we got married just under a year later.
I don't think marriage is for everyone, and many will stay with someone happily throughout their life and not have to get married. But if its important to you, for whatever reasons you have, is it worth telling him how you feel on the subject?

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Pinkie118

He isn't sure that he'll ever want to get married.

It does not look like either of you are stressing about whether to marry or not marry at this time. I would look at what you think would change if you did marry (why you want to marry instead of just continue to live with him "forever").

I lived with my husband for five years before he proposed; I kind of thought he would propose, he had to get divorced first and that was a very long process but it was interesting to me, how I felt during those five years and yet how startled I was when he proposed ("What do I say????" I almost panicked, like it had never occurred to me that would happen :-) and how I felt the day/week after we married, etc.

If you think about all the scenarios and what they trigger in you (would you feel "safer" married?) it might give you ideas on what you could work on in yourself so married/not married would not necessarily be an issue/concern.

[Pinkie118]

Originally Posted by Neptune83

I was with my sons dad for 11 years. In the beginning I wanted to get married one day, but he had made it clear that marriage to him, was just a piece of paper. He didn't want to get married. I think marriage to me is important because I feel it is an expression of your love for one another and it cements things, because I'd only want to get married once, to someone who I truly love.
We never did get married and we did eventually split. Not because of the differences of opinion but because we just weren't working.
I met my husband in 2010 and we got married just under a year later.
I don't think marriage is for everyone, and many will stay with someone happily throughout their life and not have to get married. But if its important to you, for whatever reasons you have, is it worth telling him how you feel on the subject?

I would say the bold is one of the main important ideals to me of marriage.

Thanks to all of you for the input, it's on par with my thinking on the whole thing. Not something I'm stressing over, just looking to the future a bit. Even if he and I had not had this conversation, next year would even be too soon. Just the over thinker in me looking forward is all

He never said he wouldn't ever get married just expressed doubts about if he ever wanted to. Pretty much why it got me thinking about the whole thing. I know I want to eventually because of what it means to me, but I'm in no rush!