[Poppy Princess]

Would you consider a bad thing? Not like evil but perhaps unhealthy. Do you think it's all right for someone to be completely alone?

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by ArmyGirl

Would you consider a bad thing? Not like evil but perhaps unhealthy. Do you think it's all right for someone to be completely alone?

Can you explain, a little bit more? Is alone, by choice? Or from lack of available, quality options?

[Poppy Princess]

I would say both.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by ArmyGirl

I would say both.

I've known women who have been widowed, and choose to never remarry, and even to not date again. They found ways in their lives to not be bothered about the notion of being alone.

I've known of women, who have divorced and never remarried, and dated sporadically in their lives afterwards, for various reasons.

I've known of women, who never married, and never had children. Who seem to find ways to be happy, just the way they are.

I've known of single men and women, who just prefer to be alone to being involved with others that bring chaos to the table.

So, yeah, choosing to be alone, instead of settling for less than one deserves, that isn't necessarily a 'bad' thing, can actually be a 'good' thing for them.

I haven't dated since divorce. Not that I wouldn't like to meet someone I am compatible with, and can be a companion going down the road, later into life; At the same time, I'm choosing to not just run out and date a variety of men, to say that I am on the dating scene and to feel better about myself on some superficial level(which for me, that would fill a superficial void, of trying to avoid being alone and fear of what others may think of me, type of thing) Besides, I've got to be cautious of whom comes into the lives of my children. They matter, in this equation.

I matter, too. It's just I am not going to go chase some 'tail' for the sake of having a 'mate.

Hope that helps??

[Poppy Princess]

I'd say so

[lizardlady]

Armygirl, I've been widowed for almost 13 years. I'm content to be single. It gives me freedom I did not have as a married person. I have close, supportive friends, so I don't consider myself "alone." There might not be another person in my house, but there are people I can turn to when I need them.

I was still married when I was in therapy. I made a comment to my therapist that I was tired of being lonely. We had an interesting discussion about the difference between being alone and being lonely. It's possible to be lonely in a crowded room. It's possible to be alone and feel loved an supported. Does that make sense?

[Poppy Princess]

Yes, that does make sense

[Perna]

Human are social animals so do require others to be healthy. That's not to say you have to live with others but it is a good idea to have friends and a support network, etc.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by Perna

Human are social animals so do require others to be healthy. That's not to say you have to live with others but it is a good idea to have friends and a support network, etc.

Excellent point Perna!

Many people live happy, contented lives solo.

I prefer to live alone.

I have healthy connections with the outside world both personally and professionally.

However, I require a lot of alone time to "recharge" my batteries, so to speak.

I don't feel like I'm weird or a freak.

Hope that helps.

[roads]

I'd say it depends on how you are/feel when you're alone. Energetic? Alive, curious, full of plans? Never bored, excited by the possibilities of life? Do you enjoy being with yourself? Never scare yourself with your own thoughts?

If the answer to all these is positive, then alone is healthy.

But if being alone ever leaves you wondering why you're alive, or crying non-stop, or drinking till you pass out ... being alone is a danger sign. It's not good for you.

I'm a hermit, a cavedweller. I love my cave, and I think it's good for me--I'm happy here. No, not happy ... I don't have to deal with people, and that makes me content. But not healthy. So I have a job. I have a job because it's necessary for my mental health. It forces me out, among people, and not just my friends.

You probably know deep, deep down what you need to be healthy--but it may not be what makes you comfortable.

My opinion.

Roadie

[Poppy Princess]

I'm not sure if I'm lonely or alone. I can be around a lot of friends and still feel alone.

[LadyShadow]

I think its alright to be alone. I still have constant communication with my ex so I am not completely alone. I live with my parents and my sister and they provide me with a lot of companionship when I feel completely closed in.

But relationship wise? Sometimes I get lonely and I miss having a boyfriend. But I am quite content going out shopping or to the movies by myself. It doesn't bother me at all.

We are human and we do require social contact so I can understand why being completely alone can be unhealthy. But if you love yourself enough and enjoy your "ME" time, then more power to you!

And as a sidenote, I understand being around a large group of friends and feeling alone. Mainly why I don't have any close friends anymore. I would rather be by myself.

[Poppy Princess]

I have never understood ME time, mostly cause I can't stand myself.

[yellowted]

living alone is fine, but you do need support at times, for example help when building flat pack wardrobes or help moving house etc. so a totally solitary life is pretty much impossible unless you live miles from anyone, grow/raise your own food, burn/recycle your own rubbish, make your own clothes from the hides of your food, have no electricity or piped water supply!

I really enjoy me time or duvet days, possibly because i have to rely on carers most of the time so love having a day when i do not have to get up or explain what my plans for the day are or justify them to anyone! that said too much me time and i get bored of my own company!

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by ArmyGirl

I have never understood ME time, mostly cause I can't stand myself.

That's where the work needs to begin. You need to learn to "BE" with yourself. I have a hard time with self-acceptance as well. I hate my fat body, my ugly scarred face, but I learn to just go along with my life and worry about those things later.

Be kind to yourself, and then maybe you won't hate yourself as much.

[Poppy Princess]

Yeah, I just don't find me interesting. I find it hard to be self aware too. I rarely think of myself. I usually think of other people.

[LadyShadow]

Well hell! I didn't say you have to be interesting! LOL. I am certainly not interesting nor do I find myself interesting. I just have to accept myself. All we have is ourselves. I have learned that. You just have to sit with yourself and just BE.

Watch TV, read a book, I go out to dinner even by myself. I don't care, I just AM WITH myself. Because all I have is me.

I think of other people too, but not when it costs me losing myself. If I'm gone and no more the people I was so concerned about will just go on about with their lives. So I make ME first.

[Poppy Princess]

I guess I've just never wanted to do something for myself. I never really feel like I deserve things.

[JadeAmethyst]

I just started with this, because now is the time. I hear ya ArmyGirl!!!
PlantinumHeart, I couldn't agree with you more!

Originally Posted by ArmyGirl

I guess I've just never wanted to do something for myself. I never really feel like I deserve things.

Of course you do! If low self-esteem hurting you, then how about trying out some therapy or a workshop? And also tell yourself over and over again until you start to believe in it, and that is you ARE worth it, you do deserve things and that you're a lovely person. I used to have low self-esteem and I started to tell myself that there's no point in putting myself down when there are far too many people out there to do it for me. I know it doesn't make sense, but my low self-esteem came from my family who did put me down. And you know, in time it worked and their words started to wash over me and I started to see good points in myself.

As for being alone, yes, you do have to like your own company on the quiet days, but I agree with others, it really helps to have a network of buddies and some interesting hobbies/good job. I loved living alone, I really did, and often wish I still did. Nothing against my better half, but things were so much more simple, easy, tidy (!), and well, I could be totally selfish with what I wanted to do with my time. I felt at peace with myself, and also as a plus side, really became good at standing on my own two feet. If I need a shelf put up (or flatpack like mentioned), decorating, fixing things around the house and little things on the car, well, I learned to do it myself. I was organised too. It personally think it did me the world of good and to this day, I need, proper need a couple of hours a day to myself just to think.

There's always plus sides to everything if you look for them - and down sides too. As much as I love my other half, it brings different sets of problems living with someone else. I think that no situation is perfect.

I hope you find your peace and will be happy.

Hugs.