[yellowfrog268]

Basically the problem is this:

My husband made a comment to me yesterday that suggests he isn't attracted to me due to (of all things) my hair cut.

A little bit of context:

When we met (and for several years following) I had long hair. Well, this year I've been trying out newer and shorter styles. I currently have a pixie cut. I love it, he does not. He told me yesterday that he likes long hair, period. He went on to say that he is unhappy with what he considers to be a tom-boy look. What makes it tom-boyish for him is the length, not the style.

I've already explained to him my reasons for the change including that my hair is thick and hard to manage when long, the fact that I am not one of those 40ish years old women who looks good with long hair, etc.

To me it seems so trivial but his comments told me that he no longer finds me attractive. How can we overcome this?

[RoseBee]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

Basically the problem is this:

My husband made a comment to me yesterday that suggests he isn't attracted to me due to (of all things) my hair cut.

A little bit of context:

When we met (and for several years following) I had long hair. Well, this year I've been trying out newer and shorter styles. I currently have a pixie cut. I love it, he does not. He told me yesterday that he likes long hair, period. He went on to say that he is unhappy with what he considers to be a tom-boy look. What makes it tom-boyish for him is the length, not the style.

I've already explained to him my reasons for the change including that my hair is thick and hard to manage when long, the fact that I am not one of those 40ish years old women who looks good with long hair, etc.

To me it seems so trivial but his comments told me that he no longer finds me attractive. How can we overcome this?

He is probably just telling you he doesn't like short hair and not a comment on your overall attractiveness. In my experience, men say what they mean, and only that. We give them too much credit to hide their meanings with hints, as women all too often do. Put on some lingerie, kiss him in his favorite spots, and see if he reacts. If not, ask him point blank if he's still attracted to you. If he reacts, then you have your answer.

[Perna]

I do not think it is about attraction; that's a personal word; you are attracted to an individual, not a hair cut :-) He does not want to love all women with long hair (or, if he does, he has a problem and you have one indirectly in that his ideas/feelings of what "love" is are not compatible with a happy marriage).

My husband likes longer hair too. . . and blue eyes, me not wearing jeans, etc. But, my husband loves, Me. I do not like managing my hair when it is long either (and my husband is bald, by the way, ask me how I "like" that? :-) and I can't change my eye color or my weight (not too much of a problem as my husband is obeasier than I am :-) or that I love wearing jeans. . .

If he cannot get "use to"/deal with the shorter hair, he's being shallow. There are a lot of things we "don't like" in life that are just the way things are and we have to learn to accept them or we will keep tripping over them. We cannot change another person! If we really love and accept that person, we don't want to change them and their expression of their selves. . .

[WidowReynolds55]

I had the same problem with my husband when I started wearing my hair boy-short. I loved it! He did not. He said...well, I'm not gonna tell you what he said. But he better be glad he said it with a laugh!
Look, I so get it that after a while we get tired of trying to do something with our hair. I'm a wash and go kind of girl as far as my hair goes. I'm the one wearing my hair and having to deal with it...not him. So he finally said, "well, if it makes you happy, I'm happy." All I can say is that he didn't hate it enough to kick me out of bed! LOL! And on a sad note, he passed away this past January. So I'd love to hear him b---- about my hair again! But when he realized that THIS was how I wanted to wear my hair, he got over it and still loved me. He didn't just love me for my hair anyways. Your husband will come around I bet. You can't be the long-haired girl he used to date anymore and he shouldn't expect you to not ever change. Hasn't he changed over the years? Does he still even HAVE hair? LOL! Just kiddin'. I'm sure the two of you can come to a happy compromise.

[hamster-bamster]

I know this is not what the thread is about but short hair is not easier to manage. I have tried it all (with extremely thick, curly, easily tanglable hair) and keeping it short does nothing for convenience.

[jadzea]

Most men like long hair. They like the idea of running their hands through it and watching it blow in the wind. They would not like it if they had to take care of it. Can you let your hair grow a little so it is slightly longer but still manageable? Also, why not get some hair magazines and have him help pick the next style you try?

[BonnieG2010]

Hi yellowfrog
did you ask him "so now what?"
is he going to wait that your hair will pull back staying away from you in the while or what?

i guess smiling a remark like " i thought you loved ME more than my hair" should bring the conversation up