hi guys....

well tbh i just think/know i'm not going to find anyone.....nineteen.....i know, that's so very young isn't it I have YEARS to meet someone but tbh I DON'T WANT TO BE say, 35 & still single tbh i know i'm going to just push them all away

even now i'm tired of being alone & i' m 'only 19' :L I was drunk at the weekend & i tried to get my ex back by going to his home & drunkenly apologising to him but he doesn't want to hear it- you see this guy really liked me, & i screwed it up by constantly pushing him away then pulling him back (saying things like 'i'm sorry i just needed space') then pushing him away over n over, I also abused him, until he turned on me. LOL its pathetic tbh


I keep doing it i never stop its like a constant habit pattern & i can't stop it. i'm even doing it with guys I've been on dates with, said to one i really liked him & then went with someone else whilst i was with him, just playing games with them both, abusing them & then saying i'm sorry & pulling them back then telling them both they aren't what i'm looking for and hurting them both emotionally, then i sometimes will move onto the next guy/s but normally i just recluse up & stay indoors listening to music & drinking, and i don't know why i do it

Tbh i'm just a total hopeless case. I'm not going to get anywhere in life. I have some sort of problem inside my head I don't know

whenever i meet someone compatible or someone who likes me i play games with them or just tell them i have a boyfriend.

You need to work out why you are doing what you are doing and the best way to do this is with a qualified psychotherapist or analyst.

The good news is that you are capable of having a boyfriend, so it sounds like you are doing a few things right.

Good luck.

Is anyone else gonna say anythin.?

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by LaurieLee

Is anyone else gonna say anythin.?

I'm sure therapy isn't the answer you're looking for but it's the best answer. No one can just guess why you can't let yourself feel in a healthy manner.

Yep, therapy.

And yes, good points, you are able to get boyfriends & you are aware that you are treating them wrong. Those are two good points, the second excellent as if you go to therapy you can at least admit what you are doing wrong and that's the first step. You just gotta figure out why you are doing it.

I would also advise to stop dating until you sort yourself out. It's very unfair to go around hurting people and I think you should stop this until you are ready to treat people with respect. It's not nice to mess with matters of the heart. Sorry if that sounds blunt, but it's the truth.

Hugs.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by LaurieLee

whenever i meet someone compatible or someone who likes me i play games with them or just tell them i have a boyfriend.

why?

The question you and the therapist would want to answer is "WHY?".

Well, you can start exploring the answer before initiating therapy - that certainly would not hurt.

So - why?

What is the gratification?

Or, what is the fear - why do you push them away?

Is it power? Do you enjoy that you have power to play games with the guys - because, obviously, there should be some attraction to you on the part of the guys for them to feel hurt, and you are exploiting the attraction. So it is that? There are more peaceful ways to deal with male interest.

[MeaCulpa]

bpdrecovery.com

I would also advise to stop dating until you sort yourself out. It's very unfair to go around hurting people and I think you should stop this until you are ready to treat people with respect. It's not nice to mess with matters of the heart. Sorry if that sounds blunt, but it's the truth.

Agreed.

i really liked him & then went with someone else whilst i was with him, just playing games with them both, abusing them & then saying i'm sorry & pulling them back then telling them both they aren't what i'm looking for and hurting them both emotionally, then i sometimes will move onto the next guy/s

Nothing personal of course, but that is really vile. You know you are doing this, so really....??? Would you like that done to you? Put yourself in their shoes and wear the pain for a while.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by MeaCulpa

Nothing personal of course, but that is really vile. You know you are doing this, so really....??? Would you like that done to you? Put yourself in their shoes and wear the pain for a while.

OP is most likely unable to do that. Until you experience it, you are unable to pretend. Most likely, with the possibility of exceptions.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

why?

The question you and the therapist would want to answer is "WHY?".

Well, you can start exploring the answer before initiating therapy - that certainly would not hurt.

So - why?

What is the gratification?

Or, what is the fear - why do you push them away?

Is it power? Do you enjoy that you have power to play games with the guys - because, obviously, there should be some attraction to you on the part of the guys for them to feel hurt, and you are exploiting the attraction. So it is that? There are more peaceful ways to deal with male interest.

LOL THEM ATTRACTED TO ME? Have a laugh i'm absolutely disgusting. And thats' the truth.

Originally Posted by MeaCulpa

bpdrecovery.com

Agreed.


Nothing personal of course, but that is really vile. You know you are doing this, so really....??? Would you like that done to you? Put yourself in their shoes and wear the pain for a while.

The weird thing to that is, I couldn't care less if it was always done to me I'd just leave them so they wouldn't even get a chance to piss me around. And it's happened to me anyway with a guy and i didn't even care...:/

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by LaurieLee

LOL THEM ATTRACTED TO ME? Have a laugh i'm absolutely disgusting. And thats' the truth.

The truth is something we learn from observing the reality around us. In the reality around you, the guys, for some reason, end up being attracted to you. So you must be attractive in some way and not absolutely disgusting.

You cannot argue with the facts.

[jcrowely]

self love comes first

[hamster-bamster]

You are also abusing the word "abuse".

You are playing some sort of games, but you are not abusing the guys you meet - especially since you do not live with anybody. It is not like you are choking them, taking away their power to make independent decisions, etc. You are just playing games and they decide for themselves how much they want to be involved and to what extent they are willing to tolerate your games. It appears that they have been willing to tolerate your games to some extent but not overwhelmingly so.

In general, the OP makes a weirdest impression... basically, you appear to be reveling in your own "badness". Try other approaches to life just as an experiment - try to be nice for a change and see what comes out of it. And you do not need a therapist to try that. Just try for yourself and see - maybe you would like it. You never know.

[manwithnofriends]

Originally Posted by LaurieLee

hi guys....

well tbh i just think/know i'm not going to find anyone.....nineteen.....i know, that's so very young isn't it I have YEARS to meet someone but tbh I DON'T WANT TO BE say, 35 & still single tbh i know i'm going to just push them all away.

Same age as you I'm not worried at all about being still single as I enter mid-life. I know my limits and you probably know yours too.