[tiffanyh2010]

This is kind of a long story, so please bear with me. In December, we were forced to move out of the house we were renting with only 2 weeks to find somewhere to go. We ended up having to move out of the county into a school district where the kids tend to be harder to deal with and the teachers don't seem to do much about it. I'm not happy about having to live here, but because the last landlord technically evicted us, we are having trouble finding a place to move into that we can afford. In May, my oldest son decided he wanted to live with his dad back in our old county. In June I let my other son go and stay with their dad and they both spent the summer bouncing back and forth between their dad's and my mom's house. There had been some dispute as to where he was going to go to school (either with his brother, or where he currently attends, or the district that my mother lives in). At the beginning of August, the younger boy finally came home. Two weeks later, my mom wanted to have him for another week, even though school was about to start. I compromised and said she could have him for 3 days, but that I would like to spend some time with him before he goes back to school. At the end of those three days, she called and told me that she may be a little late bringing him to me at work and we arranged to meet at the store because I had some shopping to do. I told her we were on the way to the store and she said she would be there in 45 minutes. An hour and a half later, I let her know that we were going to the checkout and she told me they stopped for ice cream. It takes a little over an hour to get home from this store and by that point it was almost 6pm, when she was supposed to bring him to me between 3:30 and 4. Honestly, it was only that she couldn't let me know that they were going to stop and do one more thing before she brought him back, and instead just assumed that it was going to be ok, even though she was already admittedly late. I didn't even say anything to her about it really, just that I thought she was at least going to make an effort to be there. The next morning, my son tells me that she kept asking him over and over again if he was sure he wanted to go to school where he is and was telling him about how nice the school is where she lives and he told me it made him uncomfortable. That's when I blew up and sent one text message that said that she needed to stop trying to talk him into coming to live with her. I think that the last person that should be making him uncomfortable is the one grandparent that he has always adored. At that point, she calls and screams at me for about 45 seconds, says that I need to stop listening to my son and tells me again that I need to see a doctor, and hangs up. I sent her an email saying everything I would have said, had she taken a breath, and she sent one back to me bringing up things that other people are saying and that I no longer have a mother because she can't deal with my issues. Now this morning, she sends me another very cold email basically saying that we should try to get along for the kids ("like a couple of divorcees") and gives me a visitation schedule that she would like to have. WHAT????????? I have no idea what to do. Am I as crazy as she thinks I am? Help???

[lynn P.]

Welcome to OC tiffanyh2010 - sorry you're having trouble with your mother. To answer your last question - no I don't think you're crazy at all and its wasn't right for her to be late or say others are talking about you or that you're crazy. Its a valid point that you don't want her influencing your son to live with her, when you and your ex are trying to do what's best for your kids. Does she dislike your ex - is that why she's trying to influence him?

You were justified is bringing this up. The only thing I suggest is - discuss important things on the phone or in person. Text can miss tone and intentions etc. It seems like she's back tracking because she dug herself a hole. You're a grown woman and its fine to have boundaries. She should see your kids when its convenient for you and the kids. Don't let this bother you and you were fine.

[Perna]

Hi, Tiffany, welcome!

I was unclear who "we" were; is it just you and your sons living together in the new neighborhood or do you have a partner or other people living with you? What was the issue that caused the old landlord to evict you?

I do not know if you have your sons at your mothers so much just because, or if she is being helpful in caring for them while you work or deal with other issues? If, from what you have said, it were my mother, I don't think I would want my son visiting there for awhile or for so long. With school starting, is that going to be a problem? Unless there are other considerations, I would be working with the boys' father on a schedule and taking the boys to visit my mother and visiting too, as a family, instead of so much time with your mother who appears to want to undermine your care of them?