[Angel.]

To make a long story short; my mother is an alcoholic. She's been an alcoholic since summer 2008. She was drinking heavily from 2008 to 2011, she always went out and I felt like it was my job to find her and bring her home. It's still like that.

My mother has a new partner now and I really like him. Today me and my mother were out celebrating my graduation, we talked a bit and then the truth came out. She was thinking about leaving her partner, and I told her straight out that I didn't allow her to. Her reason to leave him was because he was boring and that he never lets her go out and have fun. He does that because he cares. Her partner doesn't drink at all and I feel sorry for him.

I have received advice that I shouldn't care about my mothers actions, but I just can't. I love my mother more than anything. Today she went missing from 2 pm to around 12:15 am. I was worried so I went out to look for her and I found her at a pub nearby. I simply asked her when she was coming home and she replied with "soon". Then I said that we were worried and her reply really hurt me. She said "I don't care".

Mom went to rehab in August 2011 and she was sober from August to May 2012, and then she started drinking again. And now she's been drinking ever since. It's a lot less compared with 2011, but it's still drinking.

I hate alcohol with a burning passion, just because my mother is an alcoholic. I can never talk to my mother because she doesn't listen to me and she's lying to me all the time about her drinking. She always tells me that she will stop, but she never stops.

I have called her rehab several times and they have talked to her but she convinced them that she was fine and she didn't need help and that I was lying about her drinking issues. Why is she doing this all the time?

I'm trying to help her, but she won't let me! I thought I was used to living with an alcoholic but I'm not. I get a uncomfortable lump in my stomach everytime my mom leaves our apartment and I fear that my stepdad and mom will separate and I don't want that, but I can't control them.

I have told mom that I like my stepdad and that they shouldn't separate, but of course, she doesn't listen to me.

What am I supposed to do? I am soon 20 years old and I had to throw away my teenage years to look after my mother. I had to grow up extremely fast.

Any advice how I can handle this situation? Does anyone have experience of living together with an alcoholic?

[Leed]

Hi ~ I'm a recovering alcoholic, with almost 20 years sober and I will tell you the truth. There is NOTHING you can do. No begging, pleading, threatening, bargaining, nothing ---- will stop her from drinking until SHE wants to stop more than anything else! SHE has to be the one to make the decision to stop.

When I was drinking, no one could tell ME either. I had to hit bottom. And that's what has to happen to your Mom. She's going to have to lose something, and that might be her partner, her family, her license, her job (if she has one), get arrested, lose her money, lose all self-esteem, etc. She has to lose EVERYTHING -- and THEN and only then will she stop. But no amount of nagging is going to get her to stop.

So leave her alone. Let her know that you love her, but don't try to get her to stop. You'll only make her drink more. She'll do it out of spite. That's how us alcoholics are! WE have that "we'll show YOU" attitude. Alcoholics are very selfish people. They don't think of what their drinking is doing to anyone ELSE. They just will tell you "I'm not hurting YOU." And that of course is a total LIE. The disease tells them lies.

Alcoholism IS a disease. And YOU must be careful too, as it is hereditary. Your children must be careful -- the disease doesn't care what generation it hits.

I wish you the very best. YOu may want to go to some Al-Anon meetings and they'll help you better understand what you should do for YOU. Please take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[patchwork5]

Lee is unfortunately correct; I lived with a meth addict for years, which is probably pretty similar. You are already doing everything you can do for her which is love her, care about her, and remind her of that. And THAT's more than you have an obligation to; you're just better than you might be

I'm glad you get along with your stepfather.

[7cupsoftea]

Angel, I hear the stress in your voice and understand what you are going through. For your own sake, it is important to remember the toll that this is taking on you too. I know it is hard to think of yourself in these situation, but boundaries can help as the other members shared.
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Listener with 7 Cups of Tea

[Angel.]

I feel so sorry for him... I thought she would do better once he moved in, she was better for a couple of months, but now she's drinking again. If they separate, mom will lose her apartment and then I am forced to move back to my father and I don't want to live there.

I'm graduating school for good next summer and I just hope I will be able to hold on for another year. I'm starting to plan for my own place and I'm trying to find a job. But when I move out, I won't stop caring about my mother. I will visit her daily and make sure she's okay. My worst fear is that someone will call me and say that my mother is dead