[Jeredc]

Hello, Simple but deep question. Can the guilt of cheating keep you from being with the person you love? My Girlfriend of four years cheated on me months ago. We've established that we love each other deeply and can see spending our lives together, however she says she can't forgive herself and doesn't deserve me. She tells me that she loves me with all of her heart but yet she still won't get back together with me. So again, can the guilt of cheating over ride your feelings and emotions for the one you love and keep you from being with them? Thanks so much!

[spondiferous]

Hi Jeredc. I see you're new, so welcome.
As someone who has cheated on partners in the past, I can definitely say that guilt can keep a person from continuing a relationship. I know it probably sounds odd or unfair, given that she is the cheater and not the cheatee, but I remember when I had a long distance relationship and I cheated on my boyfriend quite a few times, and each time I felt so bad for it that the only thing I could think of to fix the situation was to break up with him and save him the grief of having to deal with me.
Hope that helps. Good luck with everything.

[Piraeus]

Hi Jeredc. It's nice to meet you. Welcome to the community. I was thinking couples counseling. Maybe that would help. Here is a link to the relationship forum.
Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central
Try posting the same thing you have posted here. I'm sure somebody has gone
through the same thing. Here is another link that may help you.
Coping with Emotions - Forums at Psych Central
I hope you find what you are looking for.

Sincerely,

Piraeus

[leonard99]

That sounds like a tough spot. I can imagine feeling pretty perplexed in that situation and unclear about how to move forward.

Originally Posted by Jeredc

Hello, Simple but deep question. Can the guilt of cheating keep you from being with the person you love? My Girlfriend of four years cheated on me months ago. We've established that we love each other deeply and can see spending our lives together, however she says she can't forgive herself and doesn't deserve me. She tells me that she loves me with all of her heart but yet she still won't get back together with me. So again, can the guilt of cheating over ride your feelings and emotions for the one you love and keep you from being with them? Thanks so much!

[Jeredc]

Thanks for the response guys! It's definitely hard to figure her out. I do my best to give her time and space but I still always end up feeling like I'm not doing enough or getting rejected. Aside from the fact that she apparently feels extremely guilty, we have days where its up and down. One day we are kissing and holding hands and the next she doesn't even want me to touch her. In her words, somedays it feels like we are just friends and other days it feels like its more than that. She crys about it alot and is always telling me that she feels so guilty. She is a straight shooter so I know that if she didn't see hope for us, or love me then she wouldn't even try, she would tell me its over for good. I still just don't understand, if she loves me as much as she says she does then why aren't we together? Its like some days she just shuts me completely down, and being intimate with me is not even an option for her at this point. She says she just can't right now. Any advice in dealing with this is much appreciated. She is the Love of my life and I don't want to lose her.