[InfiniteSadness]

Part of me wants to date.. I wouldnt be on dating sites if i didnt. But another part of me says i really cant do it with the depression and anxiety, ocd issues im dealing with. I REALLY need advice on this because its tearing me apart... I dont want to feel so CONFLICTED about dating.. Like i DO and I DONT all the time. It drives me crazy.. What should i do??

[NWgirl2013]

I'd say; Date a little. See how it feels to just do things with someone. Get acquainted. Don't put so much pressure on yourself or whomever you meet. It is supposed to be fun. If you aren't quite up for it yet, or is isn't quite working, then don't for awhile.

I hope you can enjoy yourself! That is my wish for you ...

I'm trying to date someone...I have the same issues you mention...dating someone I reconnected with that I knew well about 15 years ago but never dated, and I have run into him off and on since then. But I have told him too much out of blind trust.
What I would recommend, if you do decide to date, is to tell the guy as little as possible (at first...until you trust him completely and know you can tell him more...move slowly) re: your "state"...I have already opened my mouth way too much because I thought I was safe with someone I have "known" for so long, and I was way wrong. I have been picked apart, poked at, etc...the problem is with issues like ours, unless someone has been there, they are SO hard to explain. But if you are interested in get out there, definitely do so, just be safe re: who you trust with YOU and what you are going through. It's tough to explain (and be understood), and you really need to make sure you are "safe" with the other person before you explain your situation and then regret it, lord knows I do. I think I am about ready to throw in the towel. I would rather be alone then be picked apart and prodded with a stick because he can't see my pov and always thinks he must be right.
Anyway, hugs to you and if you date, just do so safely and watch out for yourself first and foremost!

[bluecupcake]

I think everyone is entitled to happiness and companionship. I just think in our cases we have to be extra vigilant when choosing the people we date. We need to find people who are more compassionate, understanding, and open-minded than normal. I'm engaged to my fiance and our relationship has been a great blessing for us and he accepts me for who I am. However, I met him in group therapy 5 years ago, so he had issues of his own too. hehe. However, his are more manageable than mine. I say don't cut yourself off from the dating scene, but be vigilant of those who want to date you. Make sure you let them know early on that you have issues you're dealing with and see if they can handle them. Also be careful...they may take advantage of you because of your vulnerable state. It's risky dating out there regardless if you're mentally well or not. It takes me at least six months to a year to vet a guy I'm dating. Go very slowly. Slow and steady wins the race for me. Like I said, it took 5 years for me to get engaged. hehe

[InfiniteSadness]

I'm a guy by the way, haven't dated in a long, long time.. Just wondering if i should tell them some of my issues right away or no... Its pretty tough to hide! really sucks

[manwithnofriends]

Originally Posted by InfiniteSadness

Part of me wants to date.. I wouldnt be on dating sites if i didnt. But another part of me says i really cant do it with the depression and anxiety, ocd issues im dealing with. I REALLY need advice on this because its tearing me apart... I dont want to feel so CONFLICTED about dating.. Like i DO and I DONT all the time. It drives me crazy.. What should i do??

No, do not date. Find a therapist to help you overcome your anxiety and depression. If you have these "issues" and expect your date to solve them, they're either going to blatantly refuse (because they're not qualified or willing to understand) or expect something from you in return.

Even if you have left your problems behind you, let me just say this, online is not the only place to find dates. If you have a job, your own colleagues would be a good place to start. If not, join a club of any sort and be friends with people there.

Same here, I have issues and my life is in the toilet yet I want to date because I miss being liked and also being touched.

[InfiniteSadness]

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

No, do not date. Find a therapist to help you overcome your anxiety and depression. If you have these "issues" and expect your date to solve them, they're either going to blatantly refuse (because they're not qualified or willing to understand) or expect something from you in return.

Even if you have left your problems behind you, let me just say this, online is not the only place to find dates. If you have a job, your own colleagues would be a good place to start. If not, join a club of any sort and be friends with people there.

i dont totally agree because my problems are never gonna be fully solved... plus as a man, i have needs, and its not good to be alone forever

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by InfiniteSadness

I'm a guy by the way, haven't dated in a long, long time.. Just wondering if i should tell them some of my issues right away or no... Its pretty tough to hide! really sucks

Let them feel out your whole person/character over time spent with you. If you wouldn't disclose your tax returns and what's the dollar amount in your bank account, why disclose any health issues you have, right away?!

Let you define you, not some psyche label that you got in a doctors office.

[TheDarkCrucible]

I would say give it a shot. You are 100% right some of the issues you have mentioned may make it hard but never know, you may be able to find the right person who is willing to stick with you through it and help you- after all that is what a true relationship is about.
As for when to mention the above issues that is a good question and i would say for you to decide. If you were to put them on your profile no doubt it may scare some people off. But honesty is a key factor to many things and if you are suffering from some things and the other doesn't know it could be easy for them to say some things that may not help/will hurt.

Overall it is your choice. Dating itself is not easy and there are many people out for the wrong reasons etc. but whatever you choose I wish you the best :] they say there is someone out there for all of us, and we learn from hardships.

[leaJ]

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

No, do not date. Find a therapist to help you overcome your anxiety and depression. If you have these "issues" and expect your date to solve them, they're either going to blatantly refuse (because they're not qualified or willing to understand) or expect something from you in return.

Even if you have left your problems behind you, let me just say this, online is not the only place to find dates. If you have a job, your own colleagues would be a good place to start. If not, join a club of any sort and be friends with people there.

I am at the other end of the debate on this...I have problems with depression and anxiety and I would really appreciate finding a guy that I felt could understand what I am going through, even if it is just as friends. And you will deal with these problems your whole life...wouldn't you want the person you end up dating to be someone who you KNOW is kind, nonjudgmental, and understanding and willing to support you through the hardest times in your life? I would suggest going slow though, and not opening up too much at first because that could leave you open to a lot of rejection, which isn't going to help you. I mean, I would probably mention that you have issues you are working on but don't get into all the details until you know they have first accepted that.

[sandysay]

You aren't ready to date. You will get your symptoms more under control, with meds, therapy, and your ability. That place is diferent for everybody. But, one thing is the same, you won't feel so conflicted about dating. You will get to a place of accepting that your depression/anxiety/ocd is a part of you and be more comfortable talking about it or knowing what to say about it. You will know when you are ready to date. It will feel right and you won't be asking us.

[InfiniteSadness]

Originally Posted by sandysay

You aren't ready to date. You will get your symptoms more under control, with meds, therapy, and your ability. That place is diferent for everybody. But, one thing is the same, you won't feel so conflicted about dating. You will get to a place of accepting that your depression/anxiety/ocd is a part of you and be more comfortable talking about it or knowing what to say about it. You will know when you are ready to date. It will feel right and you won't be asking us.

Yeah but part of me thinks i can sometimes honestly and the other part of me is very fearful of dating- (letting someone in my life) you have to remember im also a guy, so it crushes my self image/esteem
What about just "hooking up"?