[boopei]

My partner who I have been with very close to 2 years, is an amazing man. He, is also damaged. He is divorced and has been for 3 years, he was married for 9 years, and his wife abused him, physically and emotionally. He has a 9 year old son and a 6 year old daughter, who, although he has sole custody, their mother has them every weekend.

I'm admittedly still adjusting to living in a family unit, after living on my own for 2 years (it's only been 5 months since I moved in with him and his kids). My partner has gained a lot of emotional strength in the time we've been together. He is much less passive, and more willing/able to stand up for himself and be assertive, especially regarding his ex. Even his son, at 9 years old, is getting better at standing up to Mommy, but both kids are terrified of her.

So, I'm a VERY emotionally sensitive person anyways, and this makes me so anxious. I don't go with my partner when he has to pick up the kids on the weekends. I don't want to see his ex, talk to her, anything. Just thinking about her, makes me angry. Seeing the anxiety issues the 9 year old has because of his mother, I could sit and cry. It hasn't been long, but I feel like the big sister/mother figure for both him and his sister, although I connect with him more so than her. My personality is of a "fixer". I want to be able to help, and there's nothing I can do. Unfortunately, I need to figure out a way to deal with it.

My partner and I are best friends, we tell each other everything. He tells me about all that goes on with his ex.. the harassing emails, the texts and emails he gets from her demanding things, and it eats away at me. The injustice of the fact that she's allowed to manipulate the situation, even though she beats her kids, shoves soap in their mouth, makes the 9 year old go to bed in the afternoon because he disagrees with her. Unreal! We are waiting for the legal system to do it's thing, and recently we found out that besides the abuse, the government is looking at her for bankruptcy fraud, and other things. So now, it's time to wait some more.

Any suggestions for how to deal with the anxiety? I have to drive an hour to work (and back) now since I moved so I have limited time in the evenings. I want to spend time with the kids, but I need me time as well. Trying to get our for walks seems to help when I can, but I need something else as well. I journal and have been trying meditation, but I need something to take the edge off, to keep me from getting so angry/bitter at the situation. Help!

[Benetduncan]

It's normal that this situation should stress you out a lot. Just remember the silver lining on all this. It sounds like the law will soon take care of this woman. Your husband and his children are so lucky to have found someone like you, so understanding and loving... someone who cares so deeply.

You say you're best friends, but have you told him how you feel? What you're going through? The anxiety you feel?

Take time for yourself as well. Try and free up some time in your diary for some time to be by yourself or do something just for you.