[Katje2011]

I have been in a on going affair relationship for 3 years now. I have come to love this man very dearly. my marriage has fallen apart for several years since before my affair, and its as if I have found new love that has changed me and healed my wounds.

I love the man that I have the affair with, its not lust, but I feel as if people that don't understand it look at me as if I am a (person that stand on a corner of a street if u understand - don't want to use THAT specific word). I cried tonight. I feel so empty. for the first time I felt happy again. but now I feel as if things aren't right. my lover went to a priest the other day, and the priest even told him that he is never going to be blessed because of me in his life. I feel broken. I don't feel like I am ever going to be happy again.

its easy to say get a divorce and try again... but at this stage in my life I have my kids I need to sort out and I feel alone. my lover cant help me financially yet, he is starting his business soon, but waiting for his business and starting it is going to take time.

what do I do? how am I suppose to feel? in the eyes of God, who am I?

[hamster-bamster]

The lover should no longer visit the priest since the priest is not helping him. So there is no point. There should be a point in doing things such as going to see a priest, a therapist, to a group, social gathering, etc. On the most general level, there are two types of goals one might have when one goes to such gatherings, meetings, appointments, and the like:

(1) to give of yourself
(2) to get some benefit for yourself
(3) both, above

In the case of social gatherings, ideally, you want (3). But in the case of seeing a priest, you are into (2). Since the priest does not help your lover, there is no point in going back to see him. Also, the priest is evil in that he attempts to withhold blessing from your lover. Blessings are very important to everybody and attempts to withhold blessings are evil.

You asked three questions:

1) What to do?

I have no idea whatsoever since you provided very little information. It seems that your main issue is lack of social acceptance of your r/s with your lover. These things vary very widely depending upon the sociodemographic situation, which you did not describe. It is one thing to have an affair in a small village where everybody knows one another, and another thing to have an affair in a metropolis where nobody gives a damn about others anyway.

2) How are you supposed to feel?

There is no such thing as "supposed to feel" - you feel what you feel; you can act or refrain from action based on what you believe that you are supposed to do, but it does not apply to feelings. That said, to the extent that you have SOME power over how you feel, observe yourself feeling differently and choose the feeling that is most satisfying to YOU and most conducive to having you enjoy your life.

3) who are you in the eyes of God?

I am not God but I will try to answer for God:

You are a human just like anybody else, with her desires, fears, conflicts, etc. No better or worse but just a human like anybody else.

[ccatr]

Originally Posted by Katje2011

I have been in a on going affair relationship for 3 years now. I have come to love this man very dearly. my marriage has fallen apart for several years since before my affair, and its as if I have found new love that has changed me and healed my wounds.

I love the man that I have the affair with, its not lust, but I feel as if people that don't understand it look at me as if I am a (person that stand on a corner of a street if u understand - don't want to use THAT specific word). I cried tonight. I feel so empty. for the first time I felt happy again. but now I feel as if things aren't right. my lover went to a priest the other day, and the priest even told him that he is never going to be blessed because of me in his life. I feel broken. I don't feel like I am ever going to be happy again.

its easy to say get a divorce and try again... but at this stage in my life I have my kids I need to sort out and I feel alone. my lover cant help me financially yet, he is starting his business soon, but waiting for his business and starting it is going to take time.

what do I do? how am I suppose to feel? in the eyes of God, who am I?

I'm not religious, but I think that God would want you to live your life as best you can - and what that means right now is figuring out what you want.

And I say this because right now, you're trying to be different things and it's not working. You don't feel good about getting a divorce, but you're not being a good wife. You want to be in a relationship with your lover, but it's making both of you feel like crap.

Focus on yourself. Don't depend on your husband or lover - become an independent person responsible for your own needs and from there, you and your lover can be together in a mutually supportive way.

If finances are a problem, focus on what you can do to become self-supporting. Your children, I hope, would be supported by your husband even in the event of divorce. So figure out what you need and pursue it.

[spondiferous]

No god would condemn anyone for being happy. Even if the priest is of the Christian faith (you didn't mention that), it is taught that all people are loved by god regardless.
I think you should do what makes you happy. I understand your unhappiness. It sounds like you've been trapped in an unhappy relationship for years and you're in genuine love with someone else who makes you happy. But there are many cultural (and religious) hexes on this. It's difficult sorting all this out, especially with children in the picture. I would tread lightly, and try to give yourself a break. Is the reason you're not considering because of your children, because of their feelings about it, or because you're afraid you won't be able to afford it?
I hope everything works out for you.

[RoseBee]

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:8

I think this man helped you find love again, so he helped bring you closer to God.

If you seek forgiveness, ask for it, and you will have it.

(Forgive any misquotations, I am not a Christian and had to Google the tenants of the religion.)