[cheekyshanelle25]

Hie x
I'm 18 year old and brown skinned girl

I don't know whether this is depression or not, I have been through things that I never want to go through again, from the age of 14-17, I want internet groomed by a man that was 8 years older than I was, I feel so stupid, it took until the age of 18 to realize that I was bee taken advantage off, I believe he loved and care for me.
He would use sexual word towards me, getting silent enough not to tell anyone that I was talking to him, taking a picture of my breast to make him happy and I feel so Ashamed , this made me feel embarrassed and until now I dont think I am able to forgive myself, even though I was young, I question why I trusted this complete stranger.

I started moving along trying to get over this internet man; heading to college, year one of college, this guy claimed he wanted to friend with benefits, I thought I try it because this guy might like me but I did not give myself up to him, then he fiercely said, "don't talk to me", this made me feel so much worse I felt like I hurt him, I felt like a terrible person
Year two, he then wants to be 'friends with benefits', I wanted to impress the same guy but I still could not do it then he said, "dont ever talk to me" and told me to "just **** off", This words made my heart sink because I like this guy, ever since he said this other emotions started coming to me. sad, helpless, worthless and stupid, I felt like killing myself but its not just because of those guys, I starting to get suicidal thoughts where roams around my head, I am losing interest in things that I enjoy.
I feel sleepy, and like I just want to stay in bed and not look after myself, sometimes I don't think, I deserve the good things in my life because I feel like I should be punished for the bad things I have done because I don't feel worth, I find its hard to forgive myself but I can easily forgive, I always think I am a bad person , and I don't want to hurt peoples feeling but if I do I cut myself and apologies endlessly until they forgive me.

Please Help Me, Though I don't know how
:crying: :crying:

[RoseBee]

Sounds a lot like depression. I would seek therapy or help for the suicidal thoughts and feelings of worthlessness. Also, don't lay in bed all day; at least take a shower and put on clean clothes everyday. That will help lift your mood a bit.

Don't feel bad for things you've done in the past. It's the past and you can't change them. You can learn from them to make the future better.
This has to be a conscious change on your part to stop the behavior of self hating. When you have a self hating thought come in your head, reword it as "This mistake of ____________ taught me to __________. I accept myself as I was and how much better I am now." Also, stop hanging out with guys that only want sex from you. Find a guy that genuinely shares your interests.

[Leed]

Bless your heart! Please don't beat yourself up for something that happened when you were young and naive. You thought this man loved you. He was a ROTTEN man who took advantage of you, and is probably doing the same thing to MANY OTHER young girls!!! I'm sure you're not the first one he's done this to, and you won't be the last!

People like him roam the internet, looking for young girls that they can "use" and prey on. They enjoy getting them to take pictures of themselves and sending them to him! He's just a nasty beast who belongs in JAIL. He's a child abuser, because you were a minor at the time!!!

So do NOT blame yourself. You were too young to understand what he was doing. It's NOT your fault, honey. Please talk to your counselor at school, or a therapist. Your doctor an refer you to a good therapist who can help you thru this depression. Depression is an ILLNESS and it needs treatment.

Please see your doctor, okay? And let us know how you're doing -- we CARE about you, honey. God bless and please take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee