[Rio_]

My sister's singing really annoys me. Whenever she starts I just feel like either hitting something, yelling at her or getting as far away from her as possible...I've only ever done the third option, but sometimes that's not possible - when we're in the car, for example - and it worries me how angry and frustrated this makes me - I don't know why it happens. Last night I tried telling her that her singing bothered me, and asked if she could not do it while I was around - I didn't raise my voice once, and I tried explaining what it was that bothered me about it...which was tough, because I don't really have a clue why it gets to me so much. She didn't care at all and said that she liked singing, and she'd do it whether I liked it or not. Was she right to say this? Was I being selfish?

[Perna]

There's no right/wrong about either your request or her feelings about the subject. You are allowed to want what you want and she's allowed to feel as she does about "singing." I'd say it was insensitive of her to insist on singing in your presence after you shared with her your dislike of it but she's allowed to choose to be insensitive!

I can't imagine she sings 100% of the time you are in each others presence? Were I you, I'd try to get to the bottom of why her singing bothers me so much and/or work on desensitizing myself to it. Maybe if you sang along with her something different would result? Carry around earphones/a radio/cassette tapes or something when she's near in case you're stuck and don't wish to listen.

Is there anything your sister would like that you could "trade" her for not singing in your presence sometimes? What do your parents say/think of the situation? Is this you all's usual behavior toward one another?

[hillbunnyb]

You have come upon one of life's big dilemas. Annoying people who won't compromise. I like the idea of singing along with her, when you're stuck in the car-- hum if you don't know the words..... maybe it'll take the spotlight off her and she'll take a chill. Tell her that, "If she does not want you to sing along, she can sing when you are not around."
Good Luck.

[DaveyJones]

Excellent idea!

DJ

I think Hillbunnyb's idea is a good one-only sing really loud and really off key.

[Rio_]

You've got a point, there, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks my sister was being insensitive...she's called me oversensitive many times, and I'm beginning to believe her.

I've been trying to think about why it bothers me so much, but I'm still not sure - only things I can think of are that her singing replaces the song that's already in my head, and also that I have no control over what I'm listening to...plus, when she sings along to my favourite songs it means I can't hear them properly. I'd love to be able to desensitise myself to her singing, but how would I go about doing that? Singing along when we're in the car is a good idea, I'll see if I can try that for next time! And I could use my ipod in the mornings when she's singing along to the radio (I can hear it through the walls...I doubt she's even got it that loud, the walls in our house aren't very thick), hadn't thought of that before. Thanks for your suggestions!

[Rio_]

I like that idea as well - means I won't be able to hear her so clearly. Just as long as my parents don't mind - I think they're fine with my sister singing (when I've complained about it in the past, their response is that I should "be more tolerant"), but both of us at once could be a bit much for them! Might be a risk worth taking, though.

Thanks!

[Rio_]

I think that might annoy me more than it would annoy her - I'm a violinist, and whenever I hear anyone play out of tune (including myself!) it makes me wince, and it'd probably be the same with singing. Thanks anyway, though.

[alisandria]

Maybe your sister sings as a way of her coping with her own anxities??? Some people sing or hum to relieve their own stressors. I do think the stance she took was a bit insensitive though. hugs, Lisa

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rio_ said:
I'd love to be able to desensitise myself to her singing, but how would I go about doing that?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Like you would anything else. Deliberately "tune in" to her singing a little before allowing negative thoughts and then a little more the next time, etc. Think about the song, your sister, why your sister might be singing along with THAT song. Notice if she sings the same songs or different ones or all the songs, indescriminately. Is she an alto singer, soprano, tenor? Does she sing along with appropriate radio songs, those that she can sing "well"/easily? Get your creativity into thinking about "singing" in general and then you might not mind your sister's singing in particular :-)

[Rio_]

That's a possibility, but if she does have problems with anxiety she's hiding it very well...I rarely hear her worrying about anything. But then, if she was worrying she'd be more likely to talk about it to our parents than to me.

Thanks for your reply.

[Rio_]

Thanks! I know it was probably a bit of a stupid question, but whenever people have told me to "just don't let it bother you" in the past, they've never explained how to do that. I'll give that a shot next time she starts singing.