[Foreign_Soul]

My FH and I have been together for almost a year, after he spent 6yrs waiting for me! Everything was really good but lately it feels like he just doesn't care any more.
We've been trying to organise our wedding, which is not easy 'cause I have no family or friends to help and we're paying for everything ourselves, with a very low income, but we were getting there. But the last month or so he's been really quiet and seems really distant.
Any mention of wedding and he just ignores me- he was talking to friends on Facebook last night and as I looked across I noticed he'd been talking to the celebrant so I asked him what it was about and was completely ignored. I was sitting right next to him and he pretended I didn't say a thing.
Unfortunately this isn't a one off kinda thing- I've mentioned a couple of other things about the wedding to him and he either gives some vague answer or completely ignores me altogether.
And it feels like it's not just wedding stuff either- he's stopped talking to me about his day when he gets home from work, he barely says a word to me over the weekend, and just won't talk to me.
I don't know what to do any more. I try to talk to him but he just doesn't seem to want to say anything to me at all. I feel like everything is falling apart.

[hamster-bamster]

Either he is not into you anymore and is doubting the wedding plans, or, he is depressed. Since he does not want to talk at all, I am leaning towards suspecting depression.

[Travelinglady]

Foreign Soul, I assume he is talking to other people and being his normal self around them. Is that correct?

Has he ever acted in a passive-aggressive way before? Ever given you the silent treatment when he gets upset with you?

Maybe you should consider confronting him, asking him what's wrong, is he upset with you? It actually could be he is getting cold feet about the wedding. After all, you two were together all those years without being married....And maybe he is seeing that's the way he would prefer.

Of course, I don't know for sure.

[mcler663]

It could be the way you are approaching him for information. Men get very defensive if they feel they are being attacked or threatened. (example would be pointing fingers saying 'you did' this or that).

It could also be as simple as maybe he feels stressed about the wedding. Maybe he's nervous, or feeling uncomfortable paying for a wedding on a lower income as you stated. Maybe he just wants to talk about something else and not worry about the wedding for awhile.

I'm not him by any means, but given the situation it could very easily be any of the responses you've gotten here.

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Either he is not into you anymore and is doubting the wedding plans, or, he is depressed. Since he does not want to talk at all, I am leaning towards suspecting depression.

One of my son's going thru something similar w long-time gf. Unfortunately, that's been happening to me lately, and I'm twice their age. However, I'm amazed that sometimes it really is more about him or her, not you, tho not always true. If there's something you can fix, fine, if not, maybe you'll just ride it out. Time will tell. I know this isn't very comforting. i know you have to make plans. Sometimes it's good to just breathe and step back a moment! I know that wedding planning and marriage are both quite stressful, tho wonderful, at various times. The best to you, wish there was an easy answer here!

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Foreign Soul, I assume he is talking to other people and being his normal self around them. Is that correct?

Has he ever acted in a passive-aggressive way before? Ever given you the silent treatment when he gets upset with you?

Maybe you should consider confronting him, asking him what's wrong, is he upset with you? It actually could be he is getting cold feet about the wedding. After all, you two were together all those years without being married....And maybe he is seeing that's the way he would prefer.

Of course, I don't know for sure.

I think Payne is spot on, as usual. Tho I don't know how long this has been going on, and it could pass. But if it persists, it's def an issue to ask about and to get clarification, even if painful! Again, the very best!

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by mcler663

It could be the way you are approaching him for information. Men get very defensive if they feel they are being attacked or threatened. (example would be pointing fingers saying 'you did' this or that).

It could also be as simple as maybe he feels stressed about the wedding. Maybe he's nervous, or feeling uncomfortable paying for a wedding on a lower income as you stated. Maybe he just wants to talk about something else and not worry about the wedding for awhile.

I'm not him by any means, but given the situation it could very easily be any of the responses you've gotten here.

I think these are excellent points! I do know that men and women often see things differently and this can really make a difference. Sometimes humor and lightness helps where possible and appropriate.

[Foreign_Soul]

I said something to him two days ago and he said he's just been so worried about organising "things" that he forgets to talk about them. He said we'd talk about everything after work but the brief talk we had wasn't really about anything.
He keeps saying we'll talk but then we never do, yet he talks to his friends every day. I can be sitting on the couch with him and he'll completely ignore me to talk to them!
I fell asleep on the couch earlier and woke up to the computer chat noise. He'd left his Facebook logged in and open but was talking to a mutual friend (more mine than his) via mobile from the bedroom, which meant I could see the whole thing as they typed. He was asking if I'd said anything about him and was saying he tries talking to me but that I don't respond. I would really love to know when he's tried talking to me!
He writes these big, long messages to his friends and talks to them every day but he just won't talk to me about anything. And now he's telling my friends that he's "tried" talking to me when he hasn't!
I'm so sick of feeling like he doesn't care and now, after tonight, I feel like I can't even trust him.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Foreign_Soul

He writes these big, long messages to his friends and talks to them every day but he just won't talk to me about anything. And now he's telling my friends that he's "tried" talking to me when he hasn't!

His writing those big, long messages to his friends might show his preference for written communication over talking.

Capitalize on that - send him your list of questions.

There is no right or wrong way to communicate - letters are not worse than conversations. Nose rubs are good too, so the communication should not even be verbal. There should simply be SOME communication.

[Jannaku]

Some people are just hopeless communicators and keep everything bottled up inside. There may be some feelings of doubt or whatever that he is having but is too scared to talk about so he chooses silence. Telling his friends that he has tried talking to you when he hasn't is shifting the blame over to you and not taking responsibility for his own actions. I'm not sure why he is discussing this with them in any case. I think you need to have a big sit down and lay the cards on the table. Ask him directly if he still wants to proceed with the wedding and while your at it tell him how you feel about the issue that he has lost interest in you and the reasons why. His answer to your questioning two days ago is evasive and obviously did not answer your concerns. If this is any sort of indication as to what he is going to be like in the future then I would be very careful about tying the knot. I have heard of a lot of people who have known each other for years, get married and then it only lasts a short time after that. Don't ask me why? Maybe being married is too much of a commitment for some people to handle and they prefer to know that there is an exit available. Anyway, get talking and try and resolve this asap. All the best x