[Gale]

My husband and i have been together 17 years and he has not many friends, but spends too much time with his parents. I am not close to mine and don't understand. Maybe you could shed some light. I think it is the only problem and we are compadible otherwise. But I don't know why it infuriates me so much when he 'helps them'. I've gotten to the point when they swing by (and they do once or twice a week)I don't even say hi to them and go in the bed room My heart is racing and I'm filled with anger. I just want them to call first give me a heads up, respect my privacy, and they won't. They also don't get the hint when we do hang out with them and they would try to get us to be with them all day. Like 8am to 10pm. Now his dad is going through a nervous breakdown and screams, and I can't stand to be around the negativity so I've pulled back so much that I avoid seeing them all together.
Full story. It started when we were dating at 22 years old. He would see them ever other night and me every other. I felt like he had to chose between us. After years (age 35) finally got him to move out of his parents house. ya, so much for having kids. He would spend sat with them still and sunday with me. Ok. Then all heck broke lose. And it's been 1 problem after the other. From stuff they couldn,'t controll. Car accidents, health issues to drunk driving and such. They would wake him up in the middle of the night with a frantic phone call for help. His father kept him up for 48 hours straight to 'move his business from 1 building to another. Heavy lifting. His father said to me when i went to vistit cause i missed him 'he's mine now! He could't hire someone! I'm looking out for his health. Also out for my best interest too. Helping me around the house. It takes away from that.
It's like they are the kids. He would jump up and run to the rescue. I was affected by this. Traumatized. And now things are better, but I'm always waiting for that phonecall. How much time should he spend with them? How to I tame my rage. I've been taking walks, but I was cornered in their place the other day and let them have it. All that I had built up for years came out. oh oh.
Thankyou for any advice!

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Gale, and welcome to Psych Central!

I honestly think you married a guy who is tied to his parents' apron strings. The fact that he was still living with them at age 35 says something. They now expect him to be at their beck and call, and he feels obligated.

Alas, unless he makes the effort to cut the strings, then I don't think things will change much.

I suggest you talk to a counselor about your situation. Maybe at least you can vent there. However, I personally suspect it is unrealistic to expect him to change at this point. He wasn't listening during the marriage vows about forsaking all others and to the general principle that you should now come first in his life.

That's my take on it, anyway!