[davmid]

I started to write earlier and it got pretty long so I decided to put it in my dropbox instead of posting. Here's a link to it if anyone would like to read it.

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/...eet%20Spot.pdf

Not really looking for advice- just needed to get it out of my head!

DMD

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by davmid

I started to write earlier and it got pretty long so I decided to put it in my dropbox instead of posting. Here's a link to it if anyone would like to read it.

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/...eet%20Spot.pdf

Not really looking for advice- just needed to get it out of my head!

DMD

"The porch had tall columns with a mellow blue paint that was peeling from the forgotten years and the building was a pale orange- beautiful. In the first photo we were just sitting and smiling at each other. In the second I was kissing her in that sweet space just below here ear where her jaw meets her neck. That's such a wonderful, loving spot to be able kiss someone- like you're curled into their hair and tucked into their soul. In the next pic she's kissing me back in that same sweet spot. Those photos are so beautiful and touching and the sweetness of what they depict flows out from them. I can't get a grasp on where that went and how and why she's sharing that with someone else now. It cuts very deeply into my heart."

no advice, as requested. just commenting that the writing is indeed beautiful

[MaryJayne47]

Reading this brought tears to my eyes, and my heart aches for you. I'm so incredibly sorry you're going through this alone right now. Just know that everyone around here is here to talk to when you need it. I hope that makes you feel a little less alone through all this...

[barx]

Very sad. How long has it been since W started dating X? You had also mentioned several times in your letter that you lost yourself and went into a dark place and if I recall correctly, it was because you were basically living and doing everything for her that you lost yourself these last few years. Did she reciprocate?

[davmid]

Originally Posted by barx

Very sad. How long has it been since W started dating X? You had also mentioned several times in your letter that you lost yourself and went into a dark place and if I recall correctly, it was because you were basically living and doing everything for her that you lost yourself these last few years. Did she reciprocate?

They've been together for three months and it's been pretty tough for me to realize the progression of her being in a relationship. They went away together for 4th of July weekend and she stayed with him until Wednesday when she left for a trip.

She tried for a while to work things out. We went to counseling and a couples workshop. And I would try for a while and then slip back into depression and kept pushing her away- only I didn't realize that this was what was happening. Eventually she stopped trying and by the time I realized what was going on with me and wanted to work it out, she was done.

[barx]

Three months is not that long relative to the time you guys were married. I truly understand the agony you must be going through. You may want to hold on for just a little while longer to see how things unfold, but hold on loosely. Meaning, Scale back on the amount of communication and contact that you have with her as much as you can. In the meantime, take care of yourself. . Get some hobbies or do something that you like to do. Start to slowly carve out your own life now. Join a singles group and take some fun trips etc. Sometimes people take for granted what they know they can have. In your case, your W probably knows that you are there when or if she is ready to come back. This makes it very easy for her to continue to see him without really having to make a "real" life changing decision... You think? It probably won't be until she sees you taking care of yourself, enjoying life and possibly moving on, will she be able to really understand the gravity of what she is doing and the decision(s) facing her. It's sort of human nature... unfortunately.

I hope I'm not being too nosey, but you mentioned that while trying to work things out with her, you would fall into a depression...unknowingly. Have you been able to evaluate what it is about you, her or the relationship that makes you depressed?

[davmid]

Originally Posted by barx

I hope I'm not being too nosey, but you mentioned that while trying to work things out with her, you would fall into a depression...unknowingly. Have you been able to evaluate what it is about you, her or the relationship that makes you depressed?

The depression I've experienced is something that has been growing in me for many years. I've been through a lot of ups and downs. When we moved to where we are now, I left a lot behind to get here but soon realized it's not the right place for me. I decided to stay here and make a go of it so because my wife felt so good here. I wanted her to have that. But I really lost my way.

I started losing interest in everything and everyone. I'd feel good for a while but always after a few weeks or sometimes months, I'd start to feel hopeless and worthless. I thought it was just my personality or someone that I'd become. My wife told me several times that she just wanted the man she married to come back. I didn't know where that "me" went or how to find myself again. In the end she gave up trying and I got more and more distant- from her and the rest of life.