[Seshat]

Hi peeps. Here’s a little update on my situation with my former friend/crush.

He messaged me yesterday (Monday). What the hell! Seriously? I haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks+ and now he thinks he can show up just like that. His message was something along the lines of “Hey, what’s up?” *rolls eyes* I was shocked. I guess he noticed I’ve been avoiding him on purpose. I’m obviously still angry at him. I politely asked him when he had sent me the message (for some reason I get late messages every once in a while) and explained I was avoiding him because I’d assumed he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I mean… he’s the one who stopped talking to me in the first place, after all.

To be honest, I could have logged in today. I could have figured out what he intended to say. I just didn’t feel like it. I’ll check back tomorrow even if I don’t want to *sigh*. I’ve made up my mind and I’m not changing it. I don’t care anymore. I’m sick of trying to save this friendship. We’ve only been friends for a few months and I started crushing on him about a month before this whole mess started, so I guess this is not worth saving either. I’ll admit I’m hard to deal with. I’m a very proud person, I’m stubborn, and I also have a temper (not related to my emotional problems. It’s merely a personality trait). Granted, he doesn’t know every single detail about my life, but he knows how I am and what to expect.

I know for a fact he’s looking for a serious relationship right now. I don’t mean to be rude, but he’s more like desperate and he lets it show. His life revolves around the fact that he’s never had a real relationship. I’m furious at myself. I knew this was wrong all along. I want and need to be 100% single and I feel I’m ruining it. Even though he did hurt my feelings, I must say I kinda wanted an excuse to end our friendship. Things have changed. There has been some mutual innocent flirting and this is way too much for me to handle. I never wanted to feel like this. I never wanted to be with him. I hate this. We do have a lot in common, but there are a few important things that make us mismatched, thankfully. Haha. Back in my teens I was trapped in an emotionally abusive “almost relationship” and so I realize I’ve become a little paranoid, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. I’m not willing to feel like the dumbest girl on the planet ever again. Therefore, I’m giving this “new” guy the red card (I’m thinking about football (soccer) here haha). Like I said in my previous thread, this is the last straw.

I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks everyone.