[sgtpepperlover]

This is a long story but I started dating my best friend November 2012. We started talking and stuff in July 2012. Technically speaking we weren't "best friends" we were just good friends. I would say through dating we became best friends. Anyway, we broke up May 2013. When we first broke up we did a short friends with benefits thing but I was not for it because I still had feelings for him and I am not about that life. Anyway once that concluded, we just went to being friends and he said he started talking to this one girl (she's an absolute sweetheart so I couldn't be too upset). After he told me that, I told him we shouldn't talk anymore and he seemed a bit upset but not really and suggested we not talk as much, but I caved and said we can just continue like normal.

Recently, I have found that I am in love with him (I know its a bit silly since we dated for such a short time) and I tried to distance myself and he will not allow it. He'll say stuff like "You can't leave me", "Don't leave me", once he even texted me the lyrics to Taylor Swift's "You belong with me". I also tried to give him back the things he gave me while we were dating but he gets extremely upset when I even mention giving the stuff back to him and recently he told me he was listening to the record I had bought him (I’ve gotten him 2 records and he only listened to them once when I first gave them to him and never again until now for some reason). But its all because I'm his best friend. Now I understand how important best friends are but this seems a little excessive and inappropriate for an ex-boyfriend. Well I finally wrote him a letter explaining my feelings (I'm in love with him) and saying that is why we should cut off communication but he wouldn't have it. I was hoping he would understand but he doesn't. He won't let me go (and part of me doesn't want to be). And it is my fault because I keep talking to him but I just don't understand why he is so adamant.

Also, he recently got upset and when he's upset he pushes people away and I thought well here's my chance to end it, but he instantly changed his tune and was begging me to stay. I was like you have tons of other people to talk to, I included the name of the girl he was talking to and his former best friend who he liked for years and he informed me he stopped talking to the one girl and he displayed a distaste for his former best friend (because she only wants him to buy her things). He just keeps saying "no", "I don't have anyone", "I can't go on without you", but I am friends with the people he has been friends with for years so I don't know what he is talking about.

What's really odd to me is how nice he is...like nicer than he was in the last 3 months of our relationship. He is more attentive and actually listens when I talk or text him. He wouldn't beg me to stay so adamantly back when we were dating. And sometimes he'll say "You're so sweet" and "You're a sweetheart" which I find inappropriate for two exes. And when we were dating I told him I was transferring to his school and he didn’t seem the least bit excited. Now, I just finalized the paperwork and I tell him (I’m not even in yet) and he’s like “I SOOOO EXCITED!”. I don’t understand. And when we hang out together I keep my distance but he doesn't seem to get it, this last time was the most interesting... I asked him to come over and get this salsa I made (I didn't want it and it was left over from a party) this was right after he got upset and pushed me away and we had been arguing about it all day. I invited him in, put the salsa in a different bowl and gave it to him expecting him to leave. He didn't he stayed which is cool. Anyway, he sits on the couch and I give him some chips to eat with the salsa and sit on the floor. I tell him its okay to eat on the couch but he doesn't want to mess it up so he sits on the floor. I try to sit far away but he gradually gets closer to me (not super close but moves closer). We then go to get food and come back. He sits on the floor to eat again and to get away from him I sit on the couch. When he is finished he sits on the couch and we start watching youtube videos. He gets closer and closer. He keeps trying to touch me like high fives, and touch his rough skin (I told him before I don't like to be touched AND I deny him but he insists I give him that high five or touch his rough skin). Also, I was wearing shorts and they had ridden up a bit and he tries to pull them down and for like the fifth time that night I'm like "don't touch me".

At like 3:45 am he says I have to go and to mess with him a bit I say "give my regards to your new friends" and he gets really sad and mopey and begs me to be his friend again. And then he leans back, rests his head on me, and asks me to scratch his head (I only did that when we were dating because it always led to makeouts). I did it, but occupied myself with tetris at the same time. He then gets up and out of the corner of my eye I could have sworn he was contemplating kissing me (he did the thing he does when he wants to kiss me...then again I could be seeing things). I just ignore it and he keeps getting uncomfortably close and saying "just be my friend again", "don't leave me", "you can't leave me" and he tries hugging me and I move away. He gives up and goes to the door to put his shoes on and this topic continues. And I tell him the truth...that once he finds somebody new he'll toss me away like toilet paper and he counters that with "you can't live without toilet paper". I just don't get why he won't let me go. This argument has continued and he's like I just want us to be like the friends we were. I just give up and I’m like okay we are all good (because he literally makes me feel so guilty and I hate hurting him). I just don't know what he is thinking. I think I may be overthinking the whole thing and he's just trying to be a good best friend but it just seems sooo overbearing, excessive, and weird especially since he would barely want to hug me after we first broke up. I just want to get some insight on what he might be thinking.

Sorry this is so long, I just want to get every detail out there so I can get confirmation that I may in fact be insane lololol

[gayleggg]

I sorry but i believe you are only postponing the pain of losing him. You love him, he doesn't love you. Do you have a life outside this guy? If you know that he will leave you as soon as he finds another girl that interests him, you are only asking for pain by being his substitue. It would be best to cut ties with him and move on. I know it will be painful since you love him but you need to open yourself up for someone who might come along and appreciate you and can love you the way you deserved to be loved. Just my 2 cents.
Gayle

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds to me like you are being Used. He sounds like the kind of guy that would manipulate your emotions into being his lover even after he were married to another woman. Sounds like he wants to be able to have two beds available, and one always there when the other isn't.

[hamster-bamster]

Next time he says: "I can't go on without you", just say, looking straight in his eyes: "Yes, you can". It might be a tough pill to swallow, but it is the truth - he can. Eventually he will appreciate you for saying that to him, because it is the ultimate truth and the ultimate in empowerment. My first boyfriend said that to me, and I appreciate it. Nothing is more empowering - albeit bitter - than understanding that one can go on on one's own, without crutches.

[PeachCream22]

I understand how you feel. Especially that part where he says "I can't live without you, and I need you." WHEN, he already has someone else, and he, too wants to be good friends with me and says he wants to kiss me all the time, which of course, was inappropriate.

Best thing to do, is to just ignore him. Tell him that he can't do the things he keeps doing to you, and if he does, maybe tell him you guys can't be friends anymore. I know you still have some feelings for him, but fake it till you make it. If you really do love him, let him go and be happy, and at the same time be happy yourself. Hopefully he'll get tired of pursuing you and leave.

It doesn't seem like you two should get back into a relationship, at the very least give each other time and space, and then see what happens.

He sounds almost as annoying as my ex, whom i've dated for a really short time too. Sorry, if it's offensive. But yeah...it's just a personal opinion. The details really lighted up your story.