[KDLEE25]

Hi all! I'm new to the forum and wanted to reach out for some support. It's definitely much needed. I have a "friend" who I thought was a good friend. Earlier today he said something rude to me which was actually quite triggering. My father was verbally abusive, so hearing his rude comment 1. hurt my feelings and 2. brought up a lot of other emotions and memories.

He became very angry with me and said he did not understand why I would let my emotions get the best of me. He is becoming more and more judgmental of mental health, stating that you are essentially lazy and useless if you don't try to move yourself out of a depression or "just deal with it" as he says. He showed very little sympathy while I tried to explain to him where I was coming from. It's just been a rough week in general so what he said was the icing on the cake, and I just could not believe that he said it.

Right now I am not sure how to let go of my anger towards this situation. As many times as I tried to explain he did not budge and said he stood by what he said, which I found to be hurtful because he's supposed to be my kind and caring friend. Now I feel like I am seeing him in a different light.

Should I distance myself from him? How do you cope with people who just don't get it or don't want to get it?

I need to move on and it's hard when I am so consumed with hate towards him right now.

[kaliope]

Hi and Welcome to Psych Central.

It is really hard when people we care about are unsupportive of where we are at. It is ignorance of the illness on his part that makes him unable to understand and causes him to lack the compassion necessary to see it a different way. You definitely have to question how good of a friend he is when he is unwilling to listen to where you are coming from even if he doesn't understand.

but from your side of it, hate is a strong feeling. Can you forgive him his ignorance and move on so you don't have to suffer with those feelings. You don't know what is in his past that is causing him to react so strongly to you so just forgive him and move on. Find more caring supportive people to fill your life with. Good luck.

[mojo321]

Yes, he doesn't get it. But the two of you arguing about it isn't going to help either of you.

It is best for you to say, "I don't expect you to understand, but as my friend sometimes I wish you would just listen and be my friend. And not try to fix me or offer solutions. That is actually part of the problem, people trying to show me what I am "thinking and feeling wrong""

Maybe he will get it.

[hamster-bamster]

Yes, you should distance yourself from him, because his ignorance is militant.

When ignorance becomes militant, the best move is to distance yourself. Militant ignorance differs from regular, innocent ignorance, and you are dealing with a case of militant ignorance.

I am sorry you were triggered and hope that you can get better friends. The best way to cope with people who are militantly ignorant is by stopping to relate to them.

[Poppy Princess]

He's just not going to be a real friend anymore so, yeah, distance yourself.

[tinyrabbit]

I would either end the friendship or get some information for him to read.

[hamster-bamster]

You can say to him: I am stopping our relationship because all you do is wave the big flag of your militant ignorance, and here is some information for you to read. If after reading this you have something to say in your defense, I will be there to hear you. Bye.

[barx]

I can definitely relate to what you are feeling. I appear to respond the same way. Not often, but every now and then something will just hit perfect to make me feel so strong about not wanting to have anything to do with that someone anymore and the sad thing is.. once I feel that way, it's almost impossible for me to turn it around. It just happens without any effort really.

So... having said that, I would suggest what ham-bam said. Loosely try to educate him with some materials. In the meantime, see if you can get past your feelings. If not, try not to be too disappointed as this person may have been counterproductive to you anyway.

I think you should distance yourself and maybe re-evaluate your friendship with this friend? Or maybe not talk about your mental issues to this particular friend? Or maybe he's needs to be educated on mental illness (which someone said earlier). I know everyone needs someone to talk to but friends shouldn't make a person feel bad.

I totally understand how you feel?