[splitimage]

Hi Everyone,

I'm struggling a bit. Years ago I was a high powered exec making 6 figures, but I was also cutting and drinking myself to death. I imploded in 2006 and sought help for my drinking for the first time. It's been a rocky recovery road ever since, with lots of relapses, although I now have over 17 months sober.

Since losing the exec job in Dec. 06 over drinking, I've held one job for 2 years, which I lost as a result of restructuring.

Combination of not being at my best and a lousy economy have kept me from finding work.

Last fall I decided to go back to school to retrain as a forensic accountant, hoping that would make me more marketable. I did super well in my first semester and got great grades.

I had to take a medical withdrawal in second semester because I'd become suicidal and needed to be hospitalized. I was in the hospital for 4 1/2 weeks.

Since then I decided not to look for work but to just really focus on my recovery. I'm supporting myself with my retirement savings.

I'm doing tons of CBT, going to support groups at my rehab, going to AA seeing my various Dr's, started a WRAP group and hope to do more intensive work on SA recovery in the fall. I'm feeling happier and more stable than I have in a long time. I plan to go back to school in January and finish my program then.

But whenever I talk to my brother I feel the need to justify what I'm doing, and I just wind up feeling bad. He's super successful career wise, a CEO and has lots of money. He doesn't understand mental illness or addiction at all. He tries to be understanding but I can tell he doesn't get it, and he's said he thinks I should be working.

Fortunately all of my friends are supportive, and 90% of the time I feel like I'm doing the right thing, but I naturally get scared about never finding another job.

I'm 44 for heaven's sake and feel like I shouldn't need anyone else's approval for how I live my life, except when it comes to my brother I feel like a little kid.

I'm sorry this has been so long. Anyone have similar experiences, ideas on how to get over this?

Thanks.

splitimage

[avlady]

I think its great you have a plan, that is a good start and please stick to it for successs. Sometimes we need to deal with our mental illnesses which we must if we need to be successful, so don't let your brother get in your way of getting better,you may have to explain it better to him, or have someone intervene about it so he can be more educated on your problem. About the drinking, please don't let it get the best of you, there is help out there like you said. AA etc.. just stick with the meetings, i also was an alcholic, the only reason i'm not anymore is i couldn't handle the headaches the next day, which lead me to seek help from AA. Please stay with the help you need to get better, and try to stick to your plan, it may work better than you'll know now.

I commend you for working on yourself and your recovery! You are working even though you don't receive a paycheck.

I can relate to feeling the need to justify to family. Therapy helped me with this and, well, my family is deceased now so that obviously eliminated the issue. I still find myself justifying to others, though.

I think a big part of it is accepting who you are - accepting yourself unconditionally. And realizing that others will not or can not always relate and may even disapprove, if that makes sense. That, however, is *their* issue.

*hugs*

[tealBumblebee]

I find the need to justify everything I do right now to myself, my friends, family, family friends. It doesn't help that whenever someone ask what i'm doing, I can't just answer "working" because then my mom has to back that up with "...but she's applying to..." basically saying that what i'm doing in life right now is not noteworthy or anything to be content with...its really aggravates me.

You however. You have a plan. You have put that plan in action against what others may think, and you have chosen to place yourself most important in your life. That is quite admirable!! And not only are you taking care of your needs, you are doing what you want, and what you see fit for your life. Thats just awesome to me. In every way. =]

[healingme4me]

I commend you on your work in recovery. It's unfortunate, that you feel you need to justify things to your brother. I can't fully speak to it, but I do, gain a wonderment about what leaves siblings tick, the way that they do. (just the mother in me, wondering reading this post, how I'd personally perceive such a relationship, as you express, if I saw that in my own children.) Things that leave me wondering...is it sibling competiveness? Is it concern of worrying, if they'd be susceptible to addiction, as it usually has a genetic predisposition. Are they wondering, how it affects your parents? Are they wondering, why you both aren't in the same position, currently? All kinds of things, go through my mind here.

Has your brother ever tried something like Al-anon, to learn to be a better supporter to a loved one, you, who struggles with addiction?

[ThisWayOut]

Much like Teal, I feel the need to justify my decisions to everyone, myself included. It was not until my mom got a 1st-hand experience of my break-downs that she no longer wants explanations for everything. I still feel like I need to explain myself to everyone else though (except my wife). Even some of the people I encounter in treatment centers seem to require an explanation of why I am there.
Congratulations on working to get out of the funk. It often times takes more work to do that then to simply go to a job and get paid...