Relationship advice, please.

Hi. I'm new to this forum and I need some friendly relationship advice.

I've started dating a boy I haven't known very well. He looked like a decent guy, was the first person ever to ask me to be his girlfriend and as I never was in a relationship before I decided to give it a try (I'm 20 years old already). He turned out to be a really nice person - is totally into me, respects me, pays me compliments, wants to meet/chat with me all the time amd is more then willing to change a lot about himself. Still, I cannot make myself like him - even the positive feelings I had during our first meetings dissipated into thin air. Right know I just try to avoid him as much as I can. We met in the physics club, but it soon turned out we have no common topics to discuss.
I can't help but feel that he's intelectually pulling me down. Not to say I'm some kind of genious, but I always try to aim higher. I hate meeting with him because we have nothing interesting to talk about - it's either him describing for hours some common event, football or playing make-belive or moments when I try to talk about something else, but he doesn't bother to ask questions and has problem forming independent opinion on any subject. I've always been a cerebral kind of person and intellectual stimulation is extremely important for me. I also feel really uncomfortable being physically close to him, even holding hands and cuddling on what he insists at all times.

I'd break up with him possibly gently, but in short my mom forbid me. It's the "my house, my rules" here. When I told her I want to break up she was furious and eventually said that if I ever dare to hurt such a kind, gentle guy she'll make my life a living hell (I'm sure she would manage). She also wnet on on how you don't meet people like that every day and I'm sure she's right about that, but I still can't help how I feel about him. She really likes him - even goes so far as pretends to be me and chat for hours with him from my account, almost everyday. I don't really know what to do - that relationship is making me really unhappy and while the real problem is not with the boy, just between my mom and me, I have no idea how to solve either.

Thank you for the patience to read this.

First off you need to be kind and break it off with this guy if he isn't what yanks your chain. That is only fair to him. I assure you he isn't the only good guy out there .

As for your Mom .. wow just wow .. I would advise you to change your passwords if she is using your accounts.

Hopefully you can figure out how to place some healthy boundaries with your relationship with your mother.

I agree with Christina. The kindest thing you can do is to break up with him as gently as possible if you aren't interested in pursuing this relationship any further. It's better to do this than to lead him on. Your mom isn't dating him, you are. Keep that in mind. If you have already told her that you don't want to date him any longer, then that is your business, not hers. I would also suggest changing the passwords on your accounts as well. Good luck.

I have someone very dear to me that was once in a situation that your story brings back memories of. It was quite a few years ago, she was your age and in a very similar sounding relationship with her mother and a boy. I won't ramble about the details and outcomes, but I would say there could be more of a worst case scenario. Simply call it off with the guy, then put everything into working out the dynamic with your mom. You are the one dating him, not her, she should be more concerned with your happiness than his, or what anyone will think about your choices.

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he will be even more heartbroken if dont breakup with him... and the poor boy will end up not being able to trust peoples feelings bout him in the future.. he will be upset when u breakup with him,but atleast it will be something he can learn to get over, ans you guys could possibly remain friends, but if you string him along in a relationship which u dont want to be in.. it will destroy him..

and as for you mum... she needs to realise that nit's your choice not to continue a relationship with this boy. does she really want to foce an emotionless relationship onto you, does she really want you to be unhappy? its only going to cause you to resent her and to resent the boy..
your mum should also respect you privacy and not be chatting to him on ur behalf... change ur passwords..

good luck

Exactly as others have said, you need to break up with him. There are lots of nice and decent people out there (aren't I just an optimist today...) but he clearly just doesn't fit for you and there is no reason for you to stay in a relationship you don't want to be in.

Maybe you can set him up with your mom.

It's not fair to date someone when you feel this way. You're stopping him from meeting someone who IS into him.

As to your mother, she sounds super controlling. Do you have to keep living there?

your mother should mind her own business in this situation, and i think you should break up with this guy for him, not for just you too.

Thank you all for advice - I really needed to hear it from somebody else, beacuse I started to doubt my judgement already. Ending things as fast as possible won't probably be painless for him, but will do the least damage. That's what's the most disturbing in tha whole situation - I'm used to dealing with her games but pulling into it another people is just not fair to them.

She's controlling but as long as I live under her roof... Currently my mom doesn't work, we're both living off my alimony and whatever money my brother sends us (He cracked and moved out too and it wasn't exactly pretty. Apparently with hom gone the focus turned to me). I can't just leave her with no financial support, can I?

She misinterpreted my words like this once. Not trying again.

hi silar. i totally agree the solutions that "demeanor" suggested. However, i also would like to take time to explain and show exactly what you have been feeling to each of them, the boy and the mother. You should be very assertive, slowly, persistently and honestly talk to them as much as possible. That the win and win situation for all three of you to live, learn, share and grow, happily. I hope i am correct. Hi Demeanor, your name is exactly contradictory to your smart lovely caring heart.