[jeff21]

Hello,

I just joined this forum, I want to help my friend (ex-girl friend) out. Sorry about the long first post. Your input would be really helpful for me.

Ok, so I've been dating this girl for about 6 months. She is smart, energetic, fun, attractive and stylish.

She is shining example of an amazing human being, in spite of her background being unfortunate: she was abused as a child and her father left her when she was very young. Her mom did not care much about her. But, she had focus, determination and a dream, and she put her life back together one step at a time, and is currently is a good position in life, overall. She did 2 years of therapy as a teenager, and apparently that helped her a lot.

Fast-forwarding to 2013: The first three months of our relationship were amazing, for the most part, and anything that bothered me, I simply ignored. But then as time progressed, I saw that she displayed major attention craving behavior, frequently looking for validation. I really like this girl, but there were a whole bunch of traits that were annoying. We sat down and had a talk as to what needs to be addressed. Things improved temporarily, but then slid back to where they were. We ended our relationship late last month.

Things just seemed so perfect at the beginning and I was really looking forward for this relationship to blossom into something wonderful. She totally seemed like marriage material, and turns out, we were even on the same page on this. But after things ended, I've been reading up a lot about her "characteristic" behavior. I have a very strong feeling she has Histrionic Personality Disorder, the symptoms match quite well.

I was reading earlier today on this site, and it seems like HPD has a high correlation with infidelity. Although I am not sure 100% that infidelity has occurred, major "break of trust" has been one of the main reasons which led to the relationship falling apart.

I was struggling to understand this myself, as it did not make sense; if she really wanted to be in a relationship with me, why did she break my trust?
From the limited reading that I've done so far, I understand that this is just something that someone with HPD struggles with, it's just the nature of the illness - she did not do this to hurt me or get out of the relationship.

Ok, so here is my question: How can I help her? I am not even sure she has HPD and now we are not even talking. If I call her and ask her to go see a therapist, she's just going to say some mean things and blow me off. But I do want her to at least consider this and get some help. What would you recommend I do, to help out? Thanks for listening.

[Christina86]

The best way is to have a sit down chat. Or say you're concerned. But ultimately it has to be her choice to seek help if she wants it.

[avlady]

I agree with Christina86, it has to be her choice, an a couple of chats would help too.

[gayleggg]

I agree a face to face is the way to go, but be prepared for her to deny any of the issues and to possibly get angry. If so, you have done all you can do. It is nice of you to want to help but suggesting therapy at this point may seem to her like you are making her the bad guy and not take it well.
Good luck,
Gayle

[kaliope]

make sure to tell her you care and you want to see her be able to have healthy relationships in the future. that you are concerned about the things that ended your relationship will interfere in the future and you want to discuss those things.