[IsabellaRose]

I am in a long distance relationship of 4 years and my boyfriend is suffering with depression. Not sure how to help him. He pretty much shuts me out most of the time, but has moments where he is still present in our relationship. We have been dealing with his depression for about a year now.

[NWgirl2013]

Wow, this sounds incredibly hard. I'm sorry.

The best thing you can do is take care of you. That probably sounds terrible, but I think it is true. Someone who doesn't want help or will not accept help, can't be made to. I speak from experience on this.

But you can get help for yourself to make yourself stronger as you deal with this. Maybe he draws energy from you & if that is the case, you need to rebuild your own stores to stay strong for him. And find the strength to be happy for both of you. It is a good way to use the time that he chooses to shut you out.

I hope he will be able to lift himself up and out of this someday, but in the meantime, please, take care of you.

[Travelinglady]

I'm wondering if he is getting treatment for his depression. Depression can lift on its own or get better with exercise such as walking, but he might need to see a therapist and a psychiatrist if his depression lingering and even getting worse.

Do you have any inkling why he might be depressed? For example, has he suffered a lot of losses lately, is he struggling with a health issue, etc. Or does he have clinical depression evidently related to brain chemical imbalance?

I'm wondering because the causes might indicate what he needs to get better.

You are a dear to stand by him, but he needs to be trying to help himself get better, too.

[pineapples]

I deal with depression and my boyfriend can be so helpful sometimes. I thought I'd share what works for me. Obviously this may not help him but its worth a shot. (I should mention that this doesn't cure my depression and my main management is still meds, therapy, and all the self-work my therapist has me do. You won't be able to that for him, and without it there's not much that will help him.)
Things my boyfriend does that seriously make it feel better:
1.) He just listens when i'm upset. He doesn't give solutions or get upset himself he just listens.
2.) He doesn't shy away from talking about my depression. We treat the topic like a medical condition and talk about the doctors, meds etc.
3.) If its obvious i don't want to talk at all, he lets me. This is probably my favorite when we are together i dont know how it would work long distance. Sometimes he puts his arm around me or holds my hand or just talks about random stories or watches T.V. or sits silently while I cry or brood or shutdown. He's present but he doesn't over-react to my display of emotion.
4.) He asks me how I'm doing. He invites me to talk about my depression but doesn't make me talk about it. He lets me know he's thinking about me and cares about me.
5.) Long hugs, and back rubs when I'm down.
6.) When I'm not down he doesn't bring up "last time when I got all upset" or make me talk about my depression. We just enjoy it and do normal couple things.