[PeachCream22]

Hello everyone, I've been posting threads about problems with my ex, and it's like a phase arising every time something happens between us, and when the phase comes i post here, as a new problem arises. I'm confused and stressed.

I haven't talked to my ex for weeks now since the last friendship attempt (we've been trying to be friends on and off for the past year but it didn't work so i tried to move on), following the no contact rule so that I'll move on. We haven't talked for about two weeks? And that was a pretty long time.

I've been doing self-improvements and studying, having a hobby, and joining this lovely forum in the process. Last week he sent me a friend request on facebook and even left me a message saying he still cares and wants to be friends with me. I know it won't work, considering the 985656534763 friendship attempts we had, but this time he seemed really sincere about it.

I told him that I've got to move on and we can't be friends because we still have feelings for each other, (he's already found someone else btw, go figure) and I said I've been stuck in the past for too long and I didn't want to hurt him again, though i also said i also still care, and i appreciate his effort for friendship because things are always 1000% awkward between us.

I also told him that I've been ignoring him at school in order to move on and that sometimes i miss him terribly though. He says he misses me too, and he said why not use each other and talk to each other in order to move forward, since we've depended on each other for so long and can't stop thinking about each other, but we should try not to get emotionally attached. We agreed to trust each other and be close...and when he goes overseas to study, we'll still be friends. We also agreed to not have feelings for each other.

I know this sounds like a weird thing. What should I do? I still care for him, and he feels the same for me. Should I trust him? I don't want to be heartbroken again when he leaves, but i also don't want to hurt him again...

It's like. We agree to be friends, and at the same time try not to get emotionally attached, and then we try to be close friends and talk to each other as much as we can because we need to depend on each other, and at the same time we shouldn't have feelings for each other as we try to move forward. I MEAN, WHAT IS THIS? I MEAN WHAT IN HEAVEN'S SAKE SHOULD I DO WITH THIS GUY?

Just recently he was honest with me saying that I don't make the effort to talk when we agreed to. I was just trying not to get emotionally attached while trying to be friendly at the same time.I felt tired when he said that. i just......help, please? Anyone?

[Sluu]

Hi there PeachCream22, I'm Sluu.

While I may not be the expert, on relationships I have experienced this type of "can't seem to stop caring about him" sort of thing.

It sounds like you still have feelings for him. And he still has feelings for you, however he's in a relationship with some girl? Or are we talking about feelings for each other but just...friendly feelings? Either way. My advice to you is to stop talking to him. STOP. TALKING. TO. HIM.

If you've tried to be friends but can't...that's a warning that you might have to go a little longer than 2 weeks without talking to him. Because right now it doesn't seem like you've moved on. And you need to move on. Do it for you. And him. I know it sounds harsh, but if you really truly want to get over someone...you can't keep talking to them. You're going to miss him terribly and want to talk to him terribly, and this doesn't mean you still can't be friends...but if you've been separated for a year and you're still not over him. I think that means you've been around him to much. You don't want another year to go by and still be having an on-again off-again friendship/liking each other...

Use this time for yourself, try something new, meet new people. I know it sounds like it, but I'm not telling you to erase him from your life, you'll always care about him. But you can't start being friends again until you're over him. REALLY over him.

And uh, well, that's my advice. Best of luck with your endeavors.

[~Christina]

What should you do with him? Stop talking to him.

Having feelings for someone after a break up is pretty common but feelings like this fade as you move forward with your life .. He is your past.

[PeachCream22]

I've tried all of the above and he still won't leave me alone...saying he still cares about me and needs me. And by having feelings for each other, i mean romantic feelings. And yes, while he's pursuing another girl. She has feelings for him too.

He wants to be friends and all but I don't want to hurt his feelings. How do i let him down gently?

[PeachCream22]

Originally Posted by Sluu

Hi there PeachCream22, I'm Sluu.

While I may not be the expert, on relationships I have experienced this type of "can't seem to stop caring about him" sort of thing.

It sounds like you still have feelings for him. And he still has feelings for you, however he's in a relationship with some girl? Or are we talking about feelings for each other but just...friendly feelings? Either way. My advice to you is to stop talking to him. STOP. TALKING. TO. HIM.

If you've tried to be friends but can't...that's a warning that you might have to go a little longer than 2 weeks without talking to him. Because right now it doesn't seem like you've moved on. And you need to move on. Do it for you. And him. I know it sounds harsh, but if you really truly want to get over someone...you can't keep talking to them. You're going to miss him terribly and want to talk to him terribly, and this doesn't mean you still can't be friends...but if you've been separated for a year and you're still not over him. I think that means you've been around him to much. You don't want another year to go by and still be having an on-again off-again friendship/liking each other...

Use this time for yourself, try something new, meet new people. I know it sounds like it, but I'm not telling you to erase him from your life, you'll always care about him. But you can't start being friends again until you're over him. REALLY over him.

And uh, well, that's my advice. Best of luck with your endeavors.

I have tried to stop talking to him. I've met new friends, and hung out with them, and have tried to get him off my mind, well not completely but i'm making progress. We can't completely obliterate each others' presence since we're in the same school, but i do my best to avoid him and i've been doing my best for a very long time...avoiding him and no contact. That's the time he started liking another girl and i got upset.

I just wished him the best and he still tried to keep talking to me knowing i'm heartbroken and I don't blame him for wanting to be friends cause he says he still cares for me. I just feel annoyed. I don't know whether i feel more annoyed at him or at myself for caring about him.

I'm sorry peaches but I agree with those above...stop talking to him. Period. It sounds harsh but when he talks to you, TELL HIM you're not comfortable with that and you need distance. Then walk away. If he messages you, ignore it. Stop going on facebook to see if he's messaged you. Social media is your enemy now. He won't like it. He'll be upset. You'll be upset. But if you really really want to move on....stop. talking. to. him.

[poptart316]

I agree with Sluu, it definitely sounds like you guys still have feelings for each other and you need to stop talking to him completely if you want to get over him.. block his number/emails, delete him from Facebook. It's gonna suck and you're going to miss him but you gotta do it. Maybe you *can* be friends down the road but you need space first, I'd give it 6 months at least.

I dated a guy for a while who didn't want a relationship and rejected me, he tried contacting me after a few months and I flipped out- I couldn't deal with it, I was still hurt so he left me alone. I contacted him a couple months ago (about a year after things ended) and we've hung out a couple times, talk here and there.. it's nice to be in contact with him but I'm totally over him now, all the deep feelings I had for him are gone and he's just more of an acquaintance now and I'm totally fine with that.

I agree with the above posters - you need to set up some hard boundaries and cut off communication. It is the only way.

I personally haven't maintained friendships with my "ex's" ... never have parted with an ex as an "enemy" but platonic friendships with an ex are a slippery emotional slope, IMO.