[un_p]

I have been married for 5 yrs and my husband is the only guy i had been in a relationship. We were together for 9yrs before we got married and everything was perfect except that i have always been fat and my husband always said he was ok with that (he is slim). Soon after we got married we tried having sex on our honeymoon but he couldnt penetrate since we both were new to this so he decided that we'll enjoy our honeymoon and try sex after reaching back home. Since then he started avoiding sex with me but used to watch porn regularly that too in my presence. I tried talking to him a lot about how i feel but he never reacted. 3yrs back he shouted and abused me n even hit me saying that i am ugly, fat and he feels disgusted to look at my body which is y he doesnt have sex.He also said he'll do it only if I loose weight. Since then I have lost 25kgs and am only 5kg overweight now but he never appreciates that and still doesnt pay attention to my sex needs. Its been 4 yrs since he even kissed me or touched me. I Feel humiliated & depressed and tried talking to him but he doesnt pay any attention to it.. He only says that I m still fat. What should I do..pls help

[boopei]

Oh honey. Congratulations on losing weight, because it's super hard to do that, I know first hand. I'm a plus sized gal myself, but even though I "feel" fat a lot, my partner loves me and tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and I appreciate him so much for it. Although it really meant nothing until I loved myself.

Maybe it's time you try to sit and have a chat with yourself about what you want in life. If you consider yourself fat, are YOU happy with who you are, or are you depending on your husband for your happiness?

Find your happy place. If that involves doing something physical, and becoming more healthy, awesome. If it's reading, music, crafting, then that's awesome too. Start a journal, it will help you sort out feelings you may never imagine you even had.

Believe in yourself, build your confidence, feel sexy, and strong. Fake it til you make it worked for me

[lynn P.]

In addition to the good advice from boopei......IMO you're in an abusive relationship. He hit you, verbally abuses you and deprives you of sex. I don't think he's going to change and think you should get out of this marriage. Its wonderful you lost weight and no one deserves this treatment.

[gayleggg]

Congratulations on losing the weight. I'm sorry you are married to an abusive, inconsiderate not capable of loving you the way you deserve. I would consider if I would want to live the rest of my life in a sexless marriage with someone who makes me feel bad about myself. I don't see this man changing. Have you considered leaving, if not you might want to think about it. You deserve so much more.
Gayle

[kirby777]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

In addition to the good advice from boopei......IMO you're in an abusive relationship. He hit you, verbally abuses you and deprives you of sex. I don't think he's going to change and think you should get out of this marriage. Its wonderful you lost weight and no one deserves this treatment.

I agree the the previous posters. He has verbally & physically abused you...in addition, he is emotionally abusive. You do not deserve that...No one does..I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship, and the DV counselor advised me that witholding sex, is another abuser tactic...It is all about THEIR lack of self control, they try to control you.

Please call, if it is safe to do so a DV hiotline and justtalk to them...it cannot hurt to hear how they feel.

Congratulations on your weight loss!

[hamster-bamster]

leave him this minute! Lots of better guys would be happy to be with you. do not hesitate - what you have described has crossed all reasonable boundaries, and long ago. Nothing to repair or salvage. I am just curious why he proposed to you back then.