Wife sends me this Email....

she really loves you and doesnt want anything to happen you, although going about it possibly the wrong way lol.

As a woman who has spent 20 years with a biker here is my opinion. First off, to me the only issue here is the communication style. Why did she not just tell you her fears and worries? Ultimatums are not cool. Ask her if she wants the document notarized too. Vows say in sickness and in health. I would understand if she just went on about being alone if you died, but saying she wouldn't be there if you were hurt? People get hurt all the time, in many different ways. My husband was nearly killed at work, broke his neck and leg. We lost everything we owned, baby photos, clothes, all of it, waiting for insurance to come through. He was the sole breadwinner, we had 3 kids, 3 dogs, 2 cats and 2 guinea pigs, we all moved into a 42' Fifth wheel. WE HAD EACH OTHER.. Psychiatrists for the insurance company asked me what my religious or cultural background was that made me stay with him.HUH??? I said it was something called LOVE. Now for the second point....when we had kids...the bike got put away. He said he knew he could ride safely, but its the other drivers who couldn't and he wouldn't take that risk, because he had bigger responsibilities now. I appreciated that he felt that way. Now that the boys are teenagers, he is looking for a bike. So my bottom line is this.. You are all the way wrong on the decision to get a bike right now, and watch your back. You truly are alone in this relationship, right now. Talk to her my friend, lay it all out. Good luck

That does not mean "in sickness that happened as a result of recklessness".

It simply means "in sickness that happened because it happened as sicknesses often do".

I have a fear of motorcycles, but can see myself being with a guy who has been riding motorcycles forever, starting way before he and I met. For one, that would mean that he is skilled and knowledgeable, and, for another, that would mean that his interest in motorcycles is a true, long-standing passion of his, and thus, more or less non-negotiable.

But for a man who has never been a biker to all of a sudden pick up this "hobby" while he is the breadwinner in a family with young children is not justified, so she is telling you that. She is basically telling you that the vows about "in sickness" are poorly defined, and, she is trying to redefine them in a way that is more reasonable - see the beginning of this post. "in sickness" means that you get cancer or get into an accident in the normal course of living, she will be by your side. If you want more security for yourself while considering dangerous activities that are completely optional, you should buy more security in the form of a better insurance policy - this is what she said. It is completely reasonable. She is just acting to fill in the ambiguity that marriage vows about "in sickness" entail. I am sure that had you let her know about the interest in taking on biking before you married, she would have then asked to have the vows modified, but she did not have a chance because you did not tell her back then.

I'm single, I ride, and I can see both sides ... God, they're sure fun to ride, BUT ...

The kids really don't have a say in the matter, so why not take up another hobby that's less dangerous until the kids are grown and gone? By then you might not even want a motorcycle anymore, and even if you do, then your wife may even be ready to hop on and ride with you because the worry of what's gonna happen to her and the kids if something happens to you won't be weighing so heavily on her.

If you can't put this desire on hold, then your wife has a legitimate concern, because she'd be stuck having to finish raising the children solo while working and nursing a cripple too ... Or worse yet, raising them solo because you're dead.

As far as the safety course goes ... It doesn't matter how much training or how careful you ride, it's the other people on the road who can't / don't / won't see you that are eventually going to get you.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

ps. The Police, Paramedics & Hospital ER Staff don't call them "Organ Donors" for nothing!

How about bicycling with your children in parks with bicycle trails? Do you have such parks in your vicinity?

Actually .... I kind of love that she felt free enough to say what is on her mind in such a succinct and pointed way. Congrats for having the kind of marriage that she can do that.
It was pretty much devoid of emotion, well thought out, and very clear. She didn't say she will love you any less, but is kinda clear that it is a selfish hobby for a husband and father of young children.
When I was expecting my 1st child, my husband had a motorcycle. We had many happy rides and trips on it as a couple of thinking adults.
The day we told his family we were expecting, his father drove 2 hours to visit. He took him out & told him he had to sell it, that day, and could get another one someday After our last child was through college. The end. No discussion. He expected him to be responsible. And he was. I have to say, I was deeply grateful that my father in law loved us enough not to want to see me a widow & our children orphaned.
Best of luck in this....

What a beautiful story about the father-in-law!

Also, I agree that the fact that the wife felt free to express herself in such a succinct way, without mincing words but instead cutting to the chase, and, to boot, in writing (so there is a clear record and no miscommunication) is a sign of your having a great marriage.