[athenapallas7]

o, well, this day was worse than usual...

My father is an abusive person. Period.

As a parent, as a husband, as an employer.

Some days I figure out a way to cope. I do work for him, and he is far worse to me than anyone of my coleagues. And as bad he may sometimes be to my sister, it never really does come close to what he does to me (after all, she has always been his favourite).

O, the abuse is verbal. Acuses me of awful things that are not - evidently - true... business is not going as it should, partially because there is a finantial crisis, partially because he has a somewhat long career alienating people that might otherwise have been willing to help out someway...

Every day I have to make the extra effort, another sacrifice. I haven't even been paid a salary for years. I have no vacations, I don't even get time off, or week-ends to myself. I know I should just walk away, but it is the family business and if I did walk away my mother would get the worst of it. And I should probably mention that he had me co-sign most of everything, meaning the company's debt is also my debt. When I left college I owed not a single cent to anyone. 12 years later, working mostly every day I have a gigantic debt I cannot walk away from....

But today it all got worse. For the most part I hid the abuse. Pretended it didn't happen. Make others believe he wasn't that bad.

Today the abuse got out of hand. He actually tried to assault me physically... and with a person - one of our suppliers - as a witness, over something stupid like fueling the tank of the car - why I had to be the one to do it can only be answered by him. The man was embarrassed, surprised, not knowing what to do, where to go... I had to tell him I was sorry he had witnessed it (he got the feeling this was not the first time my father acted like an ***). He tryed to break my laptop, threw my printer onto the ground and smashed my desk. Literally.

and the most pathetic thing - my father has no remorse, and I am trying to figure out a way to fix this... even if quite frankly I feel he does not deserve any kindness, any consideration from anyone... but I am not like him.

I don't know what to do...

[tinyrabbit]

I'm so sorry you've had to endure such awful treatment.

Personally, I don't think you have any obligation to stay in the family business. I wonder if you would consider getting some legal advice to see if you can walk away, and/or looking for another job? Maybe talking to someone who can advise you would be a good first step?

[fotini]

I am sorry you had to go through this. I know exactly what your talking because I am going through the exact thing.

I know your not like him, and you'll probably continue to be nice to him and caring, but this is going to hurt you so much. He, like my father, won't change because people like that see nothing wrong with their actions.

What I did was distance myself as much as possible. I still ask and check up on him daily but I am no longer dependent on him and I cannot tell you how much that helped me. This way, you can still be you and a good caring daughter without the anger from his actions turning you bitter. Give it a try, and I hope it works out

[gayleggg]

It is not right that you have to put up with this abusive man, even if he is your father.
I agree with tinyrabbit. check out your options. There have to be some.
Gayle

[kindachaotic]

Am so sorry you are in this situation.

[ambitious_lemon]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. My father was abusive towards me too growing up. He would often belittle me in front of family and friends, beat me and was a very unreasonable man. What helped me was moving out and starting fresh. Granted it was a few miles from where they lived, it helped my immensely. I have since moved 1700 miles away from him. I occasionally touch base with my father about 2-3 times a year (Christmas, birthday and Father's day) then live my own life away from the pain.

Have you tried to talk to any family members about the abuse? Taken any self defense classes?

[hamster-bamster]

You are asking what to do, but you are in Europe and we do not know their laws. In the US, the answer would be to walk away, filing bankruptcy if necessary.