One-sided friendship?

How do you know you are in one-sided friendships?

It always seems to me that I'm always the one contacting my friends. They rarely contact me first. Is it appropriate to test the waters by not contacting them? To see how long it will go before they contact me? If they dont then I will know that they were not truely friends at all?

That depends upon many factors, including their age and their level of "busy-ness". You can definitely test the waters this way, though. Do not rush to conclusions, though.

friendships SHOULD definitely be two-way. you should not have to always be the one to contact them. however, hamster is right, sometimes people are really busy. I have a friend who I know it's not one-sided, but it's usually me who contacts her -- but then she has six children at home that she home schools...she's very busy.

I have done things to "test the waters" with "friends" and have found some very lacking...even ones that at one point I thought were REALLY great friends.

I tend to take that into consideration... but I also consider other things.

When I DO get to talk with them - do we both talk about our lives, or is it always about them? Can I count on them if I really need them? Do they message me for help with things but never just to chat? Do I KNOW (not guess, actually know) that they keep up with their other friends who don't live nearby. Do they spend a lot of time on the computer and just can't be bothered to message me first?

Those tend to help show me if it's one-sided or not.

I agree with red panda and the others. Don't jump to conclusions, if I were your friend I might not be contacting you because I'm going crazy busy! I also might be having a rough time myself. Take those factors into consideration and see what the focus of the friendship is when you are together, too

I think it depends on how easy it is to make an arrangement with those that you seem to do the contacting. If they are happy to commit and stick to an arrangement, say a face to face meet up, that is at a time and location suitable for both of you then it's not really one sided. It may just be someone who doesn't initiate contact but is happy to get together when someone else initiates. But if it's difficult to make the arrangement, or you have to be the one to put yourself out, for example, taking time off work and travelling hours for a short meet up close to them or it never happens then it's possible it is one sided.
It's wise to give some space between making contact to give them time to get back to you, say if you left a message. Also put more time and effort into those that who either initiate contact as well or are easy to get together with and let those that aren't go to a lower level of friendship.
Good luck

Im terrible at trying to make the effort, not because Im not bothered, or am busy, Im just a bit socially awkward - I never know if the other person will like what Im suggesting so I don't bother! I guess I still fear a bit of rejection but there's something more to it than that.

Other people are in better positions to invite me instead, because they have the houses. I also find that other people have busier schedules so when I do ask, they usually say no because they're busy. So I end up waiting for them.

I think it's okay to stop contacting people if you feel like you are making more effort than they are or if you worry that they are not interested in being friends.

Their response or lack of response can have less to do with you than it has to do with them. They may not be in a position to be friends with you now, but it may or may not mean that they don't want to be your friend. Like other people said, they may have other stuff going on.

That's a good point WholeEnchelada re the being reluctant to invite friends out due to having been refused often due to them always being busy. I come up against that as well and expressing sadness that we'll lose touch if we don't see each other face to face doesn't work. So if issuing a couple of invitations and suggesting dates is met with can't do it and me saying you tell me what suits doesn't get anywhere I just say "I woild really like to meet up with you but it sounds a busy time at the moment so how about you contact me when you do have some time to catch up. Most nights and weekends are good for me but not during the day Mon to Friday" to keep the door open and then I don't continue to make the effort to suggest meet ups for self protection.
So to avoid hurt I don't initiate get togethers much unless I'm confident of getting a yes.