[bluegirl007]

is it within my legal right to prevent my chilldrens father from seeing his children if we separate and he brings random girls he's sexing around our kids? he is a sex addict and uses online sex sites to meet girls to have sex with and my fear is that if we separate, when the kids are sleeping, he will let strange women he's met online into his home where our children are...if we are not toghether, I don't care who he sees, I just don't want a revolving door of different strangers around our children. can anyone tell me if it is within my legal right to prevent him from seeing the children if in fact he brings his high risk lifestyle around our children and strangers he meets online around our children

[Yoda]

I don't know where you live but you may be able to get supervised visits. Talk to your attorney.

[High Treason]

I would not think that you would have the right to do that, or at least not ethically speaking. I have no idea about legally because the law is often so screwed up anyway. They are his children as much as they are yours. He has as much right to spend time with them as you do.

If you have some evidence that he would be exposing them to any actual harm, then you would have a case to deny him seeing them. However, having lots of "friends" and allowing the kids to meet those friends sometimes is not harm, and I can't imagine it being deemed as such by any rational judge.

[hamster-bamster]

I lean towards High Treason's response but with some caveats. I think if he has sex with other women in the presence of your children, that would cross the line. But the mere fact that he meets random women, strangers, and rotates through them rather than has a steady partner should not have any effect on his legal right to visitation. He is within his right to decide if he wants to have sex with strangers or wants a steady girlfriend. I do not think that you can impose your ideas of what is and is not "high risk" on him via withholding visitation. I am not sure what you meant by "high risk lifestyle", actually? If you meant a high risk of STI's (you mentioned that he was having unprotected sex), then it is a risk for HIM, not the children. If you meant the general risk of having perfect strangers at home, then, perhaps, you can make this argument in court. If you meant the risk of drug use - I can see how random girls off online sex sites can also be drugs users with a higher likelihood (vis-a-vis non-users of online sex sites) - then you would definitely have an ability to make that argument in court - courts frown on drug use BIG TIME.

On a more practical note, Yoda is right - both the law and the judicial practice varies by state, so the best person to talk to you is a family law attorney licensed to practice law in your state. Anonymous internet users just don't have enough expertise to answer your query with confidence - we can only conjecture.

[bluegirl007]

great advice ladies

[hamster-bamster]

High Treason is a gentleman, and Yoda and I are ladies . But thanks anyway.

[High Treason]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I lean towards High Treason's response but with some caveats. I think if he has sex with other women in the presence of your children, that would cross the line. But the mere fact that he meets random women, strangers, and rotates through them rather than has a steady partner should not have any effect on his legal right to visitation. He is within his right to decide if he wants to have sex with strangers or wants a steady girlfriend. I do not think that you can impose your ideas of what is and is not "high risk" on him via withholding visitation. I am not sure what you meant by "high risk lifestyle", actually? If you meant a high risk of STI's (you mentioned that he was having unprotected sex), then it is a risk for HIM, not the children. If you meant the general risk of having perfect strangers at home, then, perhaps, you can make this argument in court. If you meant the risk of drug use - I can see how random girls off online sex sites can also be drugs users with a higher likelihood (vis-a-vis non-users of online sex sites) - then you would definitely have an ability to make that argument in court - courts frown on drug use BIG TIME.

On a more practical note, Yoda is right - both the law and the judicial practice varies by state, so the best person to talk to you is a family law attorney licensed to practice law in your state. Anonymous internet users just don't have enough expertise to answer your query with confidence - we can only conjecture.

Right, that's what I meant by actual harm. If he is neglecting the children to go have sex, that would be harm. If there is real proof that he is bringing drug addicts or other dangerous people into the house (not just they are more likely to be because he met them online...) then that is potentially harmful. Simply having a variety of sexual partners even if the kids meet them does not seem like a reason to prevent him from seeing his children.

[Wren_]

hi bluegirl, is this the same person you are asking if you should marry or not? if it is, and you are concerned about his high risk behaviour and the impact on your children it may make things more complicated for you. The suggestions to seek legal advice sound good to me

[casurfer]

My suggestion would be to NOT go out with your guns blazing on this.... even if he has problems, you will have a VERY difficult time actually proving that he is doing things that will supersede his rights. The court will be VERY neutral on value judgments, and you could in fact hurt your own case. Just be above board, wait for bad things to happen, document them, and then use that information after the fact. My sister had a nasty divorce with her ex, he's really a moron, got a drunk driving, lost his job etc... none of these things made a difference in his parental rights. So go after your own custody, focus on yourself, and avoid disparaging him in front of the court unless you have a conviction or total proof that he is not capable.

[casurfer]

ALSO my advice is to NOT disparage him in front of the kids. Kids are smart, they know what's up, they don't need color commentary from parents.

My wife's mom to this day cannot even hear her real father's name.... it causes a major strain between my wife and her mom, because her mom's portrayal of her bio dad couldn't be farther than the truth. The bio dad is a BETTER grandparent than the bio mother of my wife.... so even if there is a grain of truth to what you're saying, your child's relationship with your soon to be ex will be different than yours. It's actually quite inappropriate for you to discuss the issues you're having with your ex in front of the kids ever.... it's really none of their business, and in the end you really don't want to do anything that will cause your children to NOT want a relationship with you. So make sure you do the best to support what your children want, not what you want!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by High Treason

Right, that's what I meant by actual harm. If he is neglecting the children to go have sex, that would be harm. If there is real proof that he is bringing drug addicts or other dangerous people into the house (not just they are more likely to be because he met them online...) then that is potentially harmful. Simply having a variety of sexual partners even if the kids meet them does not seem like a reason to prevent him from seeing his children.

agree that bluegirl007 would need evidence of actual drug use - the point of a higher likelihood of drugs use won't suffice.