[cemeterygirl]

Hi everyone...I was diagnosed Bipolar II 13 years ago and have been taking medication and seeing a psych off and on ever since. I am currently trying to do things on my own, in large part due to getting the runaround from my psych...and because I hate taking meds. They caused weight gain and auditory hallucinations (gunshots, banging) that constantly woke me from sleep. (I was on lithium and lamictal.)

Anyway...my biggest problem is relationship issues. In every relationship I have had a horrible paranoid feeling that my significant other is cheating on me. And it's not always a legitimate issue (my ex-husband never cheated on me, for example). I currrently have a great guy who I have been with for about 3 1/2 months. He does everything for me, tells me and SHOWS me every day that he loves me, comes home from work when he says he will, and yet I am still constantly looking for proof that he's with somebody else, or that he is carrying on some kind of relationship with any female friend he is talking to on Facebook, even if he explains who the person is. It's ridiculous!! He has been asking me if I'm okay and I don't know what to say other than to lie and say I'm fine; I don't want to bring it up AGAIN because I'm sure he's tired of my insecurities. I'M tired of my insecurities.

Does anyone else have this problem? It's driving me crazy; I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I'm afraid it's going to ruin what could possibly be the best relationship I have ever had.

Note: I have been trying to contact my usual psych, but the office is not returning my phone calls. So I guess it's back to the drawing board, trying to find a decent doctor I feel comfortable with (and who is covered by my insurance!). I feel totally alone, like not even my doctor truly wants to help, and I am so tired of fighting.