Jealousy is going to destroy my marriage

Hello,

I am not sure where to start? I guess by sharing my story. I am excited to hopefully find people who understand me which is why I decided to join. I grew up with cheating all around me and also have been cheated on in past relationships. I wasn't raised by my parents but when I was around them for the first 9 years of life there was non-stop lies and cheating. My parent's divorced because of an affair and my life has changed and been affected so much because of that.

Now no matter what my husband does or says I do not fully trust him and I want to so bad. Some days are better than others. Honestly he spends all his time working or with me so as soon as I feel like that is threathened the trust issues come pouring in. The reason I decided to come on here is because this past week and today I feel my trust issues have come pouring back in.

Recently he got back in touch with his Godsister, he talks on and off with her. I don't really know her well and they plan to have lunch. This made me upset and when I told him he said I was overreacting, it's his Godsister.

Then yesterday he got back in touch with an old high school friend that they have also talked on and off, supposedly they were very good friends before we got married. She has a boyfriend and a baby and she talked to me today on FB one of her messages was
"****was like my rock sophomore year of highschool. I doubt he knows how much I appreciated that. My family was going through a lot and he was always there. He's a really great person. I hope it doesn't bother you that we are talking. I def just miss having a good positive friend in my life."

Why am I still jealous? They have texted from 7:30am-now non stop. He is at work but I saw it on the phone bill This should be enough for me to see there is nothing there. I just can't stand him having female friends and we have been through a few bumps in the road with females which probably makes it harder for me. I guess I don't understand how can you text someone so much? I don't even do that with my girlfriends. Now I haven't really been talking to him and I am very distant.

I am rambling now. Hopefully somebody can talk some sense into me. I am just so ready to have a healthy relationship and not constantly obsess about cheating.

Hello preciouslove,

Welcome to PC !

Well, I can understand how you're feeling. My jealousy stems from major insecurity and self-hate. The result is still the same. I am very insecure ~ there's no other way to put it.

One thing that I've learned (over the years) is to swallow my strong impulse to voice my extreme fears to my bf. Some guys may seem understanding & give in, but that doesn't help us become stronger. Most other guys, on the other hand, become pretty frustrated with us for speaking up about our fears. My bf used to say, "I love you. When I don't love you anymore, you'll know it!" Not very reassuring. I took that line as my hint to shut up about my intense fears, 'cause he sure as heck didn't want to hear about them.

Try to use logic with yourself, to get over your fears. Your hub is close to his Godsister. That's great! But, they most likely view one another like cousins...they're family. Chances of him going for her are really, really slim.

Regarding your hub's old friend from school ~ she's just that. Her time is really taken with her baby and bf. Chances of anything inappropriate ever happening between the two of them are also very close to nil. Remind yourself of these things whenever your mind starts wandering down Insecurity Lane.

I'd also advise you not to call your hub so much ~ try to knock it down to once or twice per day instead. Just to say, "I love you!" Make it short and sweet ~ don't Q him on where he is & what he's doing. The pattern you described yourself in isn't working for you or him... so you're going to have to change your pattern. I know that it's hard. But, fake it if you have to. It will become easier as time passes. Your hub will certainly appreciate the trust that you're showing, which will come back to you in a positive way. Just keep it up, it's worth it!

Very best wishes to you ~ take care!