[Arljo]

I really need to talk to someone! My husband of 25 years says he is a sex addict. I have known of a 3 affairs that he has had over the years. But now have found out more and found out about "massages" and visits to prostitutes. He has claimed addiction in the past and we would try to work through it and go to church more. He wanted to work through it on his own. "To prove he could beat it". There is a new happening. He has actually started therapy (has gone for just over a month now). He says that he is finding out that this addiction has been an issue since his teen years. He seems so very sad and cries all the time and says he doubts everything about himself. I get so emotional when he gets like this and tell him that I will support him and help him and I won't leave him. And then reality sets in. He has been so clingy, always wanting me around, texting me from work all day long. If he is truly having this much of an emotional time, I honestly don't think I am strong enough (emotionally) to help him. I obviously have issues of my own to work through. I have major depressive disorder and anxiety. I am worried about his well-being if I am not supportive. UGH! I am so lost and confused. Any advice would be great.

[gayleggg]

Being the spouse of a sex addict is not an easy place to be. Sex addicts are usually that way due to major emotional issues that started very young. It doesn't have anything to do with you, though you will have to work through major issues of your own due to his infidelity. He will have a long hard battle working through the issues he has. I would suggest you also get counseling. It will be rough for a while but will get better. I suffer from depression, am a recovering sex addict. I understand what you are going through. My husband and I are still together and I have been "sober" for many years. It can be done. Have faith.
Gayle

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Arljo

1) He wanted to work through it on his own. "To prove he could beat it". There is a new happening. He has actually started therapy (has gone for just over a month now).

2) He has been so clingy, always wanting me around, texting me from work all day long. If he is truly having this much of an emotional time, I honestly don't think I am strong enough (emotionally) to help him. I obviously have issues of my own to work through. I have major depressive disorder and anxiety. I am worried about his well-being if I am not supportive. UGH! I am so lost and confused. Any advice would be great.

Either her sticks to his promise to work though it on his own, OR, he texts you every minute and burdens you (and you already have major depression and anxiety so you do not need MORE problems - you already have enough) with his issues.

Either or - he is being inconsistent. either or - either he works through it on his own, or he seeks unreasonable amount of support from you.

right now he is trying to have it both ways.

[Arljo]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

Being the spouse of a sex addict is not an easy place to be. Sex addicts are usually that way due to major emotional issues that started very young. It doesn't have anything to do with you, though you will have to work through major issues of your own due to his infidelity. He will have a long hard battle working through the issues he has. I would suggest you also get counseling. It will be rough for a while but will get better. I suffer from depression, am a recovering sex addict. I understand what you are going through. My husband and I are still together and I have been "sober" for many years. It can be done. Have faith.
Gayle

He has been in therapy for about two months now. He has found out that it probably started when he was young and was allowed to watch, and even offered, porn. He is severely depressed, but still lashes out at me. He brings up every negative thing about our marriage when he has a bad day. I am afraid for him, he has mentioned "disappearing", if I leave. I just don't know how much I can take until he "gets better"