[pennylayne]

I tend to obsess when any new male interest enters my life and I just don't want to do it as it helps nothing, but I get so confused and that's how it all starts.

This weekend I saw an old flame I hadn't seen in years. We were friends years ago and then we were more than friends but it didn't work out and it got messy and then didn't speak for years. When I saw him I'd actually been looking forward to seeing him and we seemed to just reconnect again. He said I was an unexpected and pleasant surprise and said he wanted to see me again but also asked me to stay with him that night, which I did. We both moved away from the big city in which we used to live and I figured I didn't know when I'd see him again so I wanted to be with him. He wanted to talk a lot about what happened between us years ago and about my suicide attempt (that he heard about through friends) and said he thought about me a lot and often kicked himself for messing things up with me before and that he handled it all very badly as he was going through a bad time.

When I left nothing was said about seeing each other again. We met up over the weekend in London but neither of us live there and I know that seeing each other regularly would be extremely difficult. I am unemployed and can't afford the cost of going to visit him - as much as I'd like to - and I guess it's difficult for him too even though he did say he wanted to see me again the night before. I asked him if he had my number when he walked me to the train station and he said no and I didn't have his either so I said I'd send him a message on Facebook, which I did later that night along with a friend request. The next day he accepted my request but he didn't say anything to my message. I kept it light and told him it was great to see him after so long and I hoped it wouldn't be as long until the next time. I then told him to keep in touch.

I guess I don't understand why he hasn't made contact back. I'm confused as to how we could have shared so much in person and then he just has nothing to say afterwards?? Like I said, I really don't want to obsess but I thought things would be going differently. I thought he would want to keep in regular contact or at least tell me he had a great time too or something. To say nothing after you've been intimate with someone somehow seems like he's trying to send me a message that he doesn't want to talk to me...I really don't want to think like this but I'm just not sure what else to think...

[gayleggg]

I would trust my instincts. I agree that his lack of communications after an intimate night would mean he's not interested in more than just that night. Don't obsess, he evidently considers it a one night stand. So don't let your mind make more of it than it is. Sorry if you were hoping for more.

[pennylayne]

I suppose you're right...I guess I just didn't expect him to feel that way after all that was said about how he kicked himself for screwing things up with me before. He's always looking for a relationship and he's done the long distance thing so it's not like that's it. I guess I expect him to be a bit more careful with someone he knows as a friend. I'm not just some tramp he picked up, you know? He also asked me why I was there with him...in a way that suggested he didn't feel he deserved me and I told him I liked him. Also told him I'd been wanting to see him. Anyway, I guess some men are just incapable of being honest. I thought with how open he was when we were talking that there was more to it than just the one night...I at least thought he'd want to keep in touch as friends. Now I feel like I must have imagined it all...

Oh well, back to trying not to think about yet another guy. I wish I hadn't added him on facebook now.