[suzvin20]

I have a sister-in-law who I am very worried about. I wondered if the any of following behaviors, actions, emotions point to a particular mental disorder.

Here is the lowdown...she is 38 years old with 3 kids from 3 different fathers. She solely lives off child support and food stamps. She currently lives with a boyfriend who is a doormat (really nice guy) and enables her behavior. She claims she doesn't work (or can't work) because she has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I do not believe this because she has no diagnosis from a doctor and won't seek disability insurance because she claims she'll be denied. She uses this as an excuse for everything. I believe she has a strong disability conviction and will never get help, even for the benefit of herself and her children.

The behavior I am concerned about her consistent manipulation of others to perceive her as a victim. She has very black/white thinking and is INCREDLBLY stubborn, the extent that she sabotages her kids wellbeing as well as her own. If you say the sky is blue, she says it's red.

I think her boyfriend will eventually give up and kick her out because of the way she talks down to him. She contributes nothing to the household, no chores, and complains when her boyfriends asks for assistance with rent/groceries.

Does anyone think an intervention help? Are there any mental illnesses that correlate with these behaviors? I am trying to understand her and I want to help her, but I don't know if that's even possible. Just looking for some advice out of desperation.

[Travelinglady]

Hey, suzvin20, and welcome to Psych Central! I can see where you would be concerned about her. My opinion, though, is that she would be very angry if anyone tried to intervene. And we aren't able to diagnose here, since we aren't experts.

I don't know if she is mentally ill. She sounds like she has some behaviors that are unhealthy and not "normal," but I only know what you are telling me. Too bad she won't even go to a regular doctor. Then she could get some official diagnoses as far as physical health and maybe even be encouraged to get some mental-health therapy, if needed.

I don't know, but she might even be having some depression. That can cause some of her symptoms.

Have you tried just trying to express your concern to her about her physical health? Asking her if you can help? (A more low key approach.......) Of course, even that might make her mad.

You might be right that her current boyfriend might finally get fed up enough with her to leave. Maybe that would be a bit of an eye-opener for her, though.

I hope some other folks will offer their comments, too. I am just not sure what the answer is.

I assume she was once married to your brother?

[suzvin20]

Thank you for your reply. I think you have reaffirmed my thoughts too. Only she can take care of herself, if she wants to. I have always offered support and suggested medical intervention but she refuses. It's like she doesn't want to know the truth (sort of the denial of a drug addict).

Unfortunately, she'll have to hit rock bottom before she'll change. I just worry about her kids. They deserve a better life.