[PeachCream22]

Okay, so now I'm friends with my ex boyfriend, we see each other at school, we're friendly, i don't know if I am breaching any boundaries that ex couples are supposed to have, but we speak to each other about everything (at least what i know of), we give each other a hug whenever we're down, we laugh, etc. But I do feel that he is keeping his distance, like we're close, but NOT that close, and I'm also doing the same thing. He assures me that he will be there for me when I'm down and he tells me to talk to him about anything at all. I am happy about that, I feel pretty much comfortable with it, and we're able to withstand each others' emotions.

But everything's just so wrong. I feel lonely, stressed (mostly about school), worried, despair... I'm worried I might get attached to him, and i tell him this, and he says don't worry about it for now. Cause both of us are going to be having major exams soon (like pre-university exams, so yeah it's a big deal) and he claims that we should help each other out and talk it out before it affects our exam mode, and eventually our going to uni. I totally agree, but I just can't seem to do it. I have no plans of getting back with him (now i'm not even sure if this is entirely true anymore, I've been so sure about this ever since he has someone else he likes who likes him back, but he also keeps saying he still has feelings for me, but I don't want to ruin the other girls' possible relationship with him)

He wants to be friends pretty badly (after blocking him on fb he sent me an email, etc) and he seems to be trying really hard to keep things cool between us. Recently I talked to him about how I've been feeling, (stress for exams and all) and I just said don't leave me alone and stuff and he sounded really down when he replied. He just said "Okay then so be it" Idk what's going through his mind, is he really trying to be friends and it feels like i'm not putting enough effort into being FRIENDS instead of lovers? I don't think we should get back together....but...sometimes I just want him around my life so badly and I just need him so badly it hurts. I guess I haven't moved on, or maybe I'm just being selfish by wanting him around.

Any thoughts or opinions would be much appreciated.

[oldlife_disrupted]

I don't know how long it's been since you broke up but I don't think you're over him and you're under no obligations to be his friend. He shouldn't be pushing a friendship on you, he wouldn't be doing it if you were a platonic friend who watches football games with him at sports bars.

I don't know why people do this. I recently went through 4 months of emotional hell from my wife deciding she only loves me as a friend now and telling me she's seeing a shrink because she's going through a depression. She finally got the separation she wanted 5 days ago and you know what she's done with that freedom so far? She's called me every day since, sent text messages as well.

I have kids with this woman so I need to keep a civil face until we decide whether there'll be a divorce and I would buy her half of the house.

You're under no such obligation. I think they try to use us a a crutch / safety net while they live out their "freedom" that turns out to be scarier than they originally thought. Live your own life, let him live his.

[PeachCream22]

It's been quite a long time, we had several failed friendship attempts in the process of moving on. Before this, I was afraid, lonely and depressed because of him. Couldn't really do well in school. I raged at home because of the extreme pressure and unfairness of it all. It really sucked. Couldn't stop crying for months, and he kept hurting me. The break up was initiated by me, because I couldn't handle a serious relationship. I was too immature and didn't want to carry on, so I broke up early. After many months of ups and downs when we attempted to be friends, I snapped under all the stress and left and cut contact with him, which was unfortunate because I still had to see him at school...now we're friends, sort of, and yeah.. i have to keep a "civil face" until the exams are over and we don't need to see each other anymore....it's the most bitter thing I'll ever have...that hate/love feeling is just so messed up, and it's going to ruin my life..

But if I don't be friends with him it's going to be super awkward and terrible at school..i'll have to be stronger and smile it off for a few more weeks...

[oldlife_disrupted]

Is it going to be awkward and terrible? How many people in your school do you have little or no contact with? I don't know he nature of your studies, but when I was in college I was perfectly capable of going through school while not being friends with everyone. Are you in a situation where you have to work in a team?

I just saying keep the civil face, don't feel pressured to be his friend. I'm not sure you need to push yourself into that situation for him.

Good luck , I'm sorry you're going through this stress while you're supposed to be having fun and concentrating on your studies.

[PeachCream22]

I'm not like that anymore, afraid and depressed. But you're right, I need to buck up. Awkward and terrible in the sense that we'll definitely have to somehow bump into each other, and I have a class with him. I do have friends, but...they're not in the same classes with me. It's all strangers or mere acquaintances.

Thank you for your advice oldlife_disrupted.