[RandomGirl1104]

I'm having a very hard time with dealing w anger directed at a past fling of my bf of 2 years. Any insights/advice appreciated.

I am dating a man I work with, going on 2 years now. The first year it was casual on-off dating and now it has be come serious. We are a great match, intellectually, emotionally, sexually.

Abt 5 years ago, he slept w a married woman who works there. She has slept with /come on to several men at work. I am on acquaintance -level with her, yet she has told me abt many of her escapades. She has also made a few sexual-innuendo type come-ons directed at me. Everyone knows abt her and she has the reputation of being a pathetic, unhappily married, attention-starved train wreck. She openly talks of her affairs to pretty much anyone.

I didn't know my Bf slept with her until many months in. I am disappointed in his weakness in pursuing such an easy lay, forgive my crudeness, but that was years before me. What drives me insane is that periodically she'll send him an attention-seeking text...."check out my cleavage" or "u look sick...I can make u feel better" etc etc. She knows we are involved, though we do not advertise our relationship.

I trust my BF...I don't believe he has any interest in her, it was purely sexual, no feelings and he is forthcoming abt her contacts. He says this is typical of her...she'll reach out for attn, and when he doesn't reply in the way she wants, he won't get another one for weeks or months.

It just makes me soooo angry . I know it is more abt her pitiful need for male attn, but I feel like its a passive aggressive way of getting back at me for dating him. I'm very well-liked and regarded as very attractive and fit by our male coworkers. She is not at all. I am not saying this to be rude. I also think she resents that I have male friends and get appropriate compliments from them that I don't have to beg for. Because of our job, I cannot approach her bc I don't want to look unprofessional. How do I get past these feelings? I am starting to feel like breaking up May be wise bc neither my bf or me plans to leave. I love him but this is all way too close for comfort.

[sabby]

Well, I can't blame you for being angry with her. But, I can say that what she is doing certainly shows how immature she is, how much low self esteem she has and how manipulative she tries to be.

I'm glad that you trust your bf, a relationship won't ever work well with no trust. So he had a moment of weakness with her, it happens sometimes. Sounds like a number of others at work did as well. Try chalking it up to him making a mistake and moving on from it, which is really the only thing he can do right?

As far as the texting goes, I think it's up to your bf to confront her and tell her that she needs to stop right here and now. If you live in the states, there are laws against sexual harassment and she's breaking them by sending those text messages. Your bf should save them either on his phone or to his computer and print them out. He should let her know that if she doesn't stop her harassment of him that he is prepared to go to Human Resources and make a complaint about her.

Here is a link for you and your bf to visit to get some ideas on how to deal with this situation....

Top 10 Things To Do If You Are A Victim of Workplace Sexual Harassment

I really hope you can work through the anger on your part and that it's not placed towards your bf. I also hope that your bf can get her to step off and leave him alone.

Good luck!

[jadzea]

One thing to think about....

Her actions are not about you, they are about her. She is trying to prove to herself that she is attractive, that men want her and miss her when she is gone. Your BF dropped her which is a blow to her already poor self esteem. She keeps sending him messages to get him to reply in a way to show her that he still wants her. she hasn't learned that many men will go the road to easy sex but will not stay with the person once they get tired of them. She is offering nothing of substance.

Don't let her upset you. Concentrate on your relationship with your BF and treat him in a way that he will never even think about going back to her or any other woman. He picked you, not her so he obviously did not want her..

[reznor7]

You have to let go of the past and build lasting relationship with your bf. Focus more on your love with him.