[Dorian_G]

I' ll try to be to the point.
prelude
Recently I have met a old friend of mine that I didn't see or talk to in the last 15years. Like many of us she is recently divorced and has kids (co parenting ). We did agree to meet and have a coffee. 2 days before the date she said she would bring the kids with her, I said fine ... The kids where confused and unruly - but we did try and make the best of it ...
Main problem
We have agreed to meet again, I proposed various dates ( so she can arrange the date in a child free weekend, at least,I thought, so we would have time to talk and learn to know each other again)
But now she chooses a day to come again with the kids!
I find this very difficult,
would it be rude to suggest I would like a two persons date only ?

[Winger77]

I think she is bringing her kids because she is using tbem as a buffer. This way, she does not have to give you her full attention. In doing this, she is less vulnerable to getting closer to you on a personal level.

I would tell her to give you a call when she can meet you without her kids. If she does not call, she is not ready.

[allme]

In answer to your question, no I don't think you're being rude!

[HockingPastryChef]

How is that rude?

You want to get to know her better; I would like to know that my friend wants to do that.

Think about it in your perspective. Imagine it in reverse, how would you feel if that was your friend asking you to not bring kids so she can get to know you better.

[oldlife_disrupted]

How recently divorced is she and how predictable of a parent is her ex? Is she doing this on purpose or is she making the best of her schedule?

[Thorn Bird]

Originally Posted by Winger77

I think she is bringing her kids because she is using tbem as a buffer. This way, she does not have to give you her full attention. In doing this, she is less vulnerable to getting closer to you on a personal level.

I would tell her to give you a call when she can meet you without her kids. If she does not call, she is not ready.

I too would agree with this - she is using them as a security blanket - maybe she is just not ready yet - you are not selfish but just be patient.

You are not selfish at all. However, I would question whether or not she has the resources in order to have someone to watch the kids. Perhaps it has nothing to do with using them as a buffer at all. I would try and see if there is a day where you can meet her without them.

[healingme4me]

I don't feel it's selfish, at all. As a divorced mom, myself, I see something 'off' about the thought of bringing my children, to coffee, with a man that isn't their father, lest it's someone I plan to bring into their life, long term/long haul.

I get the whole childcare/sitter issue. Is offering to pay for a sitter, something that you can extend to her? (just in case, that's the root of the dilemma?)

[IndieVisible]

whether it's rude or not it can be perceived as rude. And perception is reality. I personally don't get in to this type of thing as I see it as a waste of time. Prolly why I don't have any friends. Why are the kids a problem for the short time your with her? She may not have any one to watch them.