[babyface_21]

For the past 2 or 3 months my boyfriend have been really stressed and distant with me. As a result he finds it hard to communicate with me but for some reason communicates with others. He would laugh and make jokes with them but when he is around me or when i try to ask questions i get a serious, stressed, miserable face. Like its a burden to talk to me or I shouldn't say anything to him.

This is the third time we are engaging in a relationship. I think the two times before ended because of poor communication. I still loved and cared for him, found it hard to get over him but i moved on nonetheless. He apologized to me last year April and told me how much he loved/loves me n want to get back together, how much he would never want to lose me, ever again, how he wants to marry me..everything i wanted to hear. I was in a long distance relationship at that time. It really wasn't working out and was on the verge of ending. That long distance partner also made me realize how much i still loved my current boyfriend. He even had a dream of me and him getting back together, before he knew i was still in love with him.

So we started off this third time, in that very same month (April 2012). He really changed for the most part and i changed as well (positive change that is). He communicated with me, showed me love and affection and we played as we usually do. Myself on the other hand was more open because i was very shy. Everything went well until a few months after he started his own business. I realized he began to get very stressed and tired but i understood because i know it is not easy to run a business and I saw how stressful that business was/is. I would offer to give him massages and stuff to help him relax which he refuses sometimes, since lately all the time. He started to just block me out and talk to everybody else, make jokes with them and laugh etc while i was just there, badly in-need of his attention, love and affection. He began getting very close with his male employee and they are always whispering and laughing with each other. Suddenly almost everything became a secret with them. I barely could get a smile or a minute of his time. Its like he just totally shut me out. I knew he was stressed but i found it hard to be understanding because he would loosen up with other people except me. I get a straight, miserable, serious face that barely communicates with me. I have to ask a lot of questions to update myself with his life because he stopped communicating with me. I literally have to beg him for kisses and hugs when we normally kiss every morning I'm going to work and every evening when he drops me home. I try to talk to him face to face and via text to let him know how i feel and he ignores and avoids every confrontation.

I suppose this little information has a lot to do with this current situation. His parent used to argue all the time and sometimes fight when he was younger.
He used to wake up every morning to it. However, they are now separated as his father passed away.

I am stuck now, I honestly don't know what to do. I really do love him and want things to work out but i cannot keep torturing myself like this. I wish I could just snap a finger and get pass this Huge obstacle. Sometimes I think of leaving but i find it extremely hard to do.

Can i get some advice please

[lynn P.]

Welcome to PC babyface 21. Starting a new business is very stressful and this might be most of why he seems different. Maybe tell him you want to have some time to talk and say how you feel. Concentrate of how you feel rather than accusations. He has to put on a happy face when he's working. If it turns out he's fine, then try not to take it personal and give him a little space. Hope things get better and his business proves successful.

[babyface_21]

I know he has to put on a happy face at work but outside of work he laughs n talks with everybody else. Even his female friends, he hugs and kisses them in front of me or behind my back and i still get the silent treatment. It hurts to know that he can find the time to do all those stuff with others except the one or main person he should show love and affection to.
Another thing, he used to pick me up every morning to go to his business to help out then i leave and go to my work. He also used to take me home and he would those things without me asking or him saying anything to me. However, since last week he stopped. I called and text to find out if he was coming to pick me up i got no response. Yesterday he didn't even wait on me like he normally does to take me home. he just left and i heard nothing from him. I text and all now i haven't gotten a response.

[BonnieG2010]

Sorry to say that but it doesn't look good.

Maybe he is afraid to tell you that he is back into the old feelings that caused a fracture, the two fractures before this third try.

I am sure you love him, but there's no way you should accept the non-answering from anyone, let alone from someone who said he loves you and cares for you.

I'm afraid I have no better advice to offer.

I would stop writing to him and start a very serious e.mail with your goodbyes. Maybe it's the only way to shock him out of his silence.

Start thinking, dear friend, that maybe this guy is just not for you. I don't know the reasons but 3 tryings seems more than enough to think so.

The worst part to me is his silence. Mayne he's a coward. Maybe he just doesn't respect you enough. This is one of the big mysteries of life: people who love us does not necessarily respect us and his silence is a lack of respect.

Respect is the first thing in human relationships, without respect all relationships are not worth living.

Think about yourself and start protecting that lovely heart that is suffering right now. Don't leave it into the hands of unrespectful people.

[hannabee]

Yes, you certainly deserve better treatment than you have described! I had a boyfriend like that in my 20's, although it was really hard, I finally broke it off and of course, then he wanted me back. Big fat ego was bruised!!! Find someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. I needed therapy to realize that I had worth, but I never went. Now I'm married to someone who is a control freak and feel too old to get out now. Don't let that happen to you!

[strayllama]

Hey babyface_21,

How is your situation now? I only just joined and see this is months ago but I was searching for people in the same situation as me.
My relasionship has just turned very similar, not as bad but feels like it is heading that way quickly, and I was hoping to help you and help myself.

Basicaly we got engaged 6months ago and since that my partner has quit her job to start her own buisness, that she has always wanted to, and we have moved cities to make it easier and bought a house together. I also am away with work regularly and just since these big changes I am now getting less and less communication while I am away, and no more good night messages being the tipping point of me getting on here.

She says she just needs this current trip while i'm away to get herself on track and I agreed to it as all the changes were mostly harder on her. But after a while I have asked for some feedback as to why to help me cope... nothing yet....

anyways, hope you are well whatever your situation.