[ThisWayOut]

My wife and I cope in very different ways. She reaches out and I pull inward. Most of the time this has been ok because we are rarely very depressed at once. Lately tho, we both fall at the same time. She grasps for physical proximity for support. I just want to run and hide by myself. How can we both get what we need when we are both so desperately needing opposite things? It drains me like no tomorrow to have to be around someone when I'm depressed. I just want to be by myself. She's getting frustrated and mad at me for not supporting her. I'm getting equally frustrated and mad about not being able to get space... how do we compromise successfully? We try giving the other a certain amount of time to either be together or alone, But it never seems like it's enough. Any ideas?

[lizardlady]

Mdngtrain, I am like you when depressed. I want the world to go away and leave me alone. It sounds like you already tried doing what I was going to suggest, set a time to spend together and some time to be apart. If you tried but it wasn't enough time, could you try for a longer period of time? Since your wife is the one who needs others nearby when she is down, is there someone else she could spend time with, maybe a friend or family member?

You are right. It is really tough when each person's needs are so different than the other's.

[ThisWayOut]

I will try to suggest the longer time... maybe she will go for it. I wish we w still up north because she would have friends and family around. Unfortunately, we moved away from everyone, so she doesn't have anyone else to turn to. I think that amplifies the problem. :/
Thanks for the suggestion of the more time. I'm going to give that a try. We are also getting better at recognizing when we need to ask for something specific, though I still have a ton of trouble with it.

[healingme4me]

Do you feel, that as she comes through her depression, she would be able to start networking and finding ways to establish a new support system, for times, like these, in the future?

Starting over, in a new place, is difficult. It does take time and energy to create new friends, acquaintances, people to call, text, go for luncheons with, even shopping. I want to say, it took me a while, to get to a point, with making my own friends, where I live now. But it's important, to not rely on just one person. Hope she's able to create this type of support network, for herself, when she's ready. Your post makes it seem like she needs to be around others, to lift her spirits.

I can be both. Craving solitude, or knowing when I need to get out of the home and be with other adults.

Hope the two of you, can reach a point, of being able to work through your depressions, at the same time.