[gonnamove]

Hi there,
Mostly I'm typing this to get some things off my chest, but if people have advice, or know what I'm going through, help is appreciated. Anyways, here goes:

We'll start at the, well, start. I've been out of a not so good relationship for about 2 or so months. The relationship was 3 years, and it took alot out of me. My ex was very narcissistic, and I stayed with her for so long because I cared about her, and have some attachment and esteem issues. I really wanted to make things work out. But about 6 months before we broke up, I developed feelings for my friend, who also happened to be her room mate (I'm actually the reason they moved in together.)

She and I started developing a connection because we both had to deal with my ex's problems. She wouldn't pay rent, had a crappy job, and was very self centered and abusive. We both were struggling to keep everything handled, and she and I would cover the rent on our own. She also could see my ex's abusive attitude towars me, and would be on the recieving end too. So, we would spend a lot of time just venting to each other and hanging out.

When I first realized I might be falling for her, I tried to shut that voice down. I've been unfaithful once in my life, and it made me feel absolutely awful. I never want to do that to someone again. I actually told my ex about my feelings, and she just kind of laughed them off as hormones, or something like that. I was able to keep it down for a month or so, although ignoring the feelings only made them stronger faster. Finally, one day I couldn't hold them in, so I told my friend how I felt. She freak out, she tels me know it was because she didn't want to be a home wrecker or a bad friend. My ex got mad, we had an awkward and emotional week, and finally we sat down and talked it all out, and I decided I'd try to keep it down, that it was just commitment jitters and I'd get over it.

After trying for the next few months, I decided that they weren't going away. I couldn't keep being with my ex if I felt that way about another woman, so I broke things off. I didn't do it with the intent that my friend would be with me, because I knew it probably wouldn't happen that way.
It's now been a few months, and they just barely split ways as room mates. My friend doesn't really wan to be friends with my ex, and she really like hanging out with me. We spend a lot of time together, and even kind of openly talk about feelings.

But now I have a new problem. I still really like her, but I also value her friendship. She has always been there to help me, and even saved my life. I was starting to self harm, but ever sicne she found out and talked to me about it, I no longer want to do it anymore, because I know it'd hurt her.

I've talk to her about it, and she says at the very least she wants to wait until I've had more time to get over my ex and deal with my issues. She says she also wants to be my friend, and doesn't want to screw that up. She says she's thought about us going out, but is hesitant. She's got alot of commitment and esteem issues too, and because of that, has actually never been in a relationship, or even been kissed.

So now we come to my dilema: do I try and pursue the idea of a romantic relationship, or do I shut that part down and try to stay friends? I can't really get a solid feel for what she's thinking, because when she says she doesn't want to I don't know if she's just saying it because she doesn't feel deserving. Waiting is killing me, and I want to try, but I've been crazy about her for like 6 months. I don't know where our boundries lie at the moment, and its making it hard to be around her. It gets a little awkward.

I think thats all I've got right now, any help?

TL/DR: I'm in love with my best friend, we are trying to take time for me to get over my breakup before we address the issue, I'm having trouble slowing down, need help.

Thanks.