[dontstopbelieving]

My husband's mother is incredibly toxic and he cut her out of his life over a year ago. She lives over 300 miles away and we have no communication with her. Husband is an only child and his parents are still married. He will speak to his father on very rare occasions (once every few months, if that). They do not discuss anything to do with his mother and his father never pushes for him to visit. My husband's mental health has been 100% better since cutting off his mother, but obviously it's not an easy situation.

I got to thinking about dealing with this dynamic moving forward. My in-laws are late 50s/early 60s, so they aren't elderly but my husband is an only child and someday they will be old and I have a feeling that he will have some guilt about "taking care" of them. They don't have much family - they have been cutoff by most of their other relatives and my MIL is an only child as well.

I'm also wondering how I would handle it if something happened to my husband. He travels for work frequently and on his last flight there was a bit of a "close call" when they were landing and it gave us a scare and I was wondering - what would I do if I was handling his funeral arrangements? Would I tell his parents if he was gone? I actually asked him if he'd want me to tell his mother if something happened to him and he said "no". But I feel like his father would deserve to know?

Any advice? Has anyone been in this position and dealt with this stuff? I don't want to talk to my husband about these worries to stress him out.

[gayleggg]

At some point, you really need to ask his opinion about his father. Unforunately, most people don't want to discuss these kind of things when they are young and in good health. One thing you do need is a will for both of you. Especially, if you have children, so that you can stipulate who gets custody of them in case something happens to both of you. Just something think about.

[dontstopbelieving]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

At some point, you really need to ask his opinion about his father. Unforunately, most people don't want to discuss these kind of things when they are young and in good health. One thing you do need is a will for both of you. Especially, if you have children, so that you can stipulate who gets custody of them in case something happens to both of you. Just something think about.

Yes, we absolutely do need wills. We are young and have no children, so it's been kind of on the back burner but I have been pushing my husband to schedule a time to get a will drawn up. He doesn't want to talk about it, as most people do, but I know it's important to him that his money-grubbing mother doesn't get her hands on a dime of our assets.

[wisedude]

I don't think it is likely your partner will die. Things will be okay.