[Ihani]

Oh look, here I am again to whine.

Since I was young, I've always had a really hard time with social interaction. I've never really been able to relate to people, and instead have a hard time with reading how others are really feeling and what they're thinking. I tend not to talk when no one's talking to me because if I do I always say something embarrassing. When someone does talk to me I talk about myself and whatever I'm obsessing over way too much. My mom blames that and the fact I always sound rude when I think I'm being polite on why I don't have friends. I think it might be because I have a rather lackluster attention span, which has affected other areas such as my school performance (if it doesn't interest me or is something more undefined and rule-free like art I can't do it).

Eye contact is a major problem for me, and either I'm too obsessive and loud or so quiet and monotone when I talk (it doesn't help that I talk really, really fast too). I can't relate to kids my age very well. It's always older people that I tend to understand better or even little kids because I like to play pretend even though I'm 15 now. That's a bit embarrassing.

My family et al says it's because I'm smart. I don't think I'm smart; I'm slightly above average at most with a better memory and much more detail-oriented than others. I've talked about before how I can't stand being touched, so my lack of physical and verbal affection is something that probably comes off negative to other people. I avoid every social event possible even though I always complain about being alone. I don't know, I don't like loud things all too much, and my OCD and claustrophobia kind of makes hanging out with loads of people an awful experience.

I don't know, it's hard to read in between the lines sometimes. I'm the person who doesn't understand what people are really trying to say sometimes, or that person who gets the joke last and/or laughs for much too long. People often stare blankly at me because they don't understand the vocabulary I'm using at times or they don't get what I'm trying to say, whether it be because I'm stuttering too much or can't find the right words to say or the right order to say them or even just because the don't know how to respond to me. My book about the English Kings and Queens is closer to me than people are. I'm very uninterested in people but at the same time pine for social interaction and I feel like I'm missing out on some great times because I sit out too much yet I don't like to go in at the first place. It's just when I try to talk to someone I always spute out facts about the mistresses of Charles II or something and I can't tell if they're interested or bored or what.

Honestly, figuring out complex equations comes so much easier to me than talking to other kids. I wish everyone was a complex equation; I'd feel we'd get along just fine.

[catandmouse]

A lot of what you wrote sounds like Aspergers. It is a form of autism that affects primarly your social and communication skills. You may want to do some research and talk about it with your family too. Sometimes when you know what's wrong, you can start working towards a solution.
At the same time, we are all so different and some of us are just more social creatures than others. Some of us (myself included) just prefer to be alone and that's perfectly ok too.

[Staple]

I had similar problems when I was in high school. I didn't have claustrophobia or a fear of being touched, but I'd never socialize and was way more interested in memorizing things and being an information sponge. I'd spend hours memorizing maps, memorizing organic chemistry nomenclature, studying law and organization of the government, rules, policies, etc. Even today, ten years later, I'm still pretty much only interested in these kinds of things. I forgo invitations to hang out with friends because I feel like I'd spend my time better at home reading highly advanced math books. And of course I then complain about not having friends and get depressed.

I think the best advice I can give is: (1) embrace your idiosyncrasies (if others, including your parents, don't understand them, then they aren't qualified to say whether they're "good" or "bad"), (2) try to socialize more (this is where I messed up), and it may be difficult in high school. You might have a better chance of finding similar people in college, but either way, you should try to identify similar people and hang out with them. Isolation isn't fun, and not socializing will never help. I couldn't really relate to anyone in high school, but my fellow math majors in undergrad had similar quirks, and I should have socialized with them more rather than being a recluse throughout college as well. (3) socialize with people online too (which you're obviously already doing), and try to find people with similar interests too if you haven't already.

But yeah, the key thing: if you identify with someone in person, you should try to befriend them. I regret not doing this more.