[idunno85885]

I'm 18 years old, almost 19, I still live with my parents. I smoked cigarettes which is completely legal for me, I bought a pack with my own money and I had one pack in my coat pocket, and another in a small bag, and a few lighters in my backpack and I never smoke in my parents house. While I was away from my room, my sister went through my stuff, she found the cigarettes and the lighters, and decided to put both packs plus one lighter in the small bag and show it to my dad. My dad confronted me which resulted in a screaming match and threats from my dad. I feel like such an awful person for this, and I'm so ashamed. I can't even leave my room right now, my dad stormed off and left somewhere and I feel so low I just wish I was dead, why would my sister do this? Is it even legal for her to go through my stuff. Any advice on how I should handle this, Because **** If I know.

[~Christina]

Your sister has no reason to be snooping around .. I dont know her age so its hard to figure out what may have prompted her to do this Is she younger is just noisey ?

Here is the thing about Smoking everyone pretty much knows and agrees its really bad for your health ( i am an ex smoker so I understand) I honestly would be really upset if my 22 year old daughter started smoking ..its dangerous and hell expensive but it is her choice. She is an adult .

Give your Dad some time to calm down and then maybe have a talk with him . Maybe he is just scared for you..

There is no point calling yourself a bad person .. buying and smoking cigs does not make you a bad person.

[idunno85885]

my sister is 21, and my dad didn't handle it well at all.

[Sjc0]

No and I will be quiet about my opinions on the rest.

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[avlady]

She shouldn't be snooping around in your stuff, maybe she was just scared for your health when she found out you smoked too. She probably smelled the smoke on you too and that may have been why she snooped too. She does care for you, maybe you should ask her not to snoop anymore, that it is your decision to smoke if you want, and also try to smoke electronic ciggs instead too. I smoke e-ciggs, there is no smell or ahtrays to deal with either.

[arachnophobia.kid]

You are not a bad person at all.

I think that your family cares about you a lot but they are showing it in all the wrong ways unfortunately. I do not think they wanted to make you feel terrible about yourself. My guess is that it probably came as a surprise to them that you have been smoking and they dealt with it in the wrong ways.

My suggestion would be to take some time and think. Try your best to figure out where you have hurt them and take responsibility for that.

And they need to take responsibility for their behavior too, don't take that upon yourself, let them figure out that they have hurt you too.

While everyone is saying that your family cares about you and stuff, whether this is what prompted your sister's snooping in your stuff is debatable. You haven't really said enough about her for me to make an assumption that she was trying to help you or that it was out of caring. My first impulse would be that with someone that cares about their sibling, especially a younger one is that they wouldn't snoop at all, but actually talk to them directly about it if they knew. The behavior screams loudly of her motivated to do something to get to you or get you in trouble, hurt you or something that doesn't seem all too supportive of you in the first place. People don't snoop to help or support their loved ones. It's just not typical behavior. Do you and your sister have animosity between you right now? Is she angry with you for something recent? I just can't say for sure based on the brief information of your family and especially your sister.

Your dad's reaction, albeit more overboard than necessary, could easily be taken as anger, not at you but at finding out that his daughter is doing something that is risking her health. I can't condone his storming off like that and lashing out but on this front I would let the dust settle,let him calm down and talk to him about it. I would venture to say that he just plain doesn't want you smoking. It would be a frustration as a dad to find out, especially when you are of legal age and he knows that you're at a point in your life where most kids start spreading their wings. He's dealing with his daughters becoming adults and that carries a lot of stress in and of itself without having to deal with thinkng about them doing things that are health risks. Try to understand from his perspective.

No you're not a bad person, you're a normal person, with a habit that is unhealthy.

Talk to your sister. Call her on the snooping and confront her. Draw the line, and make it clear that snooping in your stuff is over the line. You probably assume that she knows where your lines are drawn but by verbally confronting her and telling her not to do this, you put the ball squarely in her court. If she does it again it's a clear disregard for your personal space. Findout, if you can, what her motivations are that made it so she thought she had to sneak about to and "tattle tale" on you -- yes, that's what it really amounts to and she sounds very immature for being your older sister!

Hope this helps!
S4

[lsamson]

Your sister should not have been snooping around, although it already happened so there is not much point in discussing it.

Generally everyone agrees that smoking is bad for your health, but it is still a choice that you get to make. I used to smoke when I was younger, hell everyone did, but I stopped when I was around 21-22 and have managed to live a healthy life since.

Smoking doesn't permanently affect you unless you smoke for years and year on end. There is nothing to feel bad about, when your father calms down have a relaxed conversation with him. Explain to him that you don't smoke much and explain your reasons. Then in a calm way, explain that you don't smoke in the house, or on the property, and that you just sometimes have a smoke with friends. Just make sure voices don't get raised because it will lead to a fight and that will accomplish nothing.

Hope everything works out, Luca.

[clydef]

hiding ccigarettes does not make you a bad person.

You wanted cigarettes for your reason and you hid them to not upset your family.

I suppose you have to decide how much you want to smoke compared to how much you don't want to upset your family. If you choose to not smoke, you should explain it to your father.

[healingme4me]

Smoking, does not make for a 'bad' person.

Not sure, the reasoning for storming off, the way that he did. I guess, some people feel more passionate about smoking than others???

Have you spoken to your sister, about your right to privacy? Did she get joy, from witnessing your fathers reaction towards you? Her 'outing' you, wasn't a very nice thing to do. At least, not without talking with you, about health concerns or the like. And, that's something, also, your father could have brought up.

You are over 18, it's legal.

[laikashuman]

Tbh, i smoke because it helps my anxiety. I don't think it makes you a bad person and your dad might just have needed to remove himself to control what he said or did. My parents had a strong reaction too and I'm older than you. I just kept doing my thing until they got used to it. Despite everything, its not very healthy, we all know this, but it's not illegal and it's ultimately your choice.

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[curious90]

why do you feel bad?? your a adult

[idunno85885]

I don't know if my sister got a joy out of "outing" me, but she does randomly dig through my things which is how she probably found the cigarettes, I doubt she was actually looking for them

[Rose3]

Maybe your sister went through your things - part of her style while you both were growing up? It's not ok for her to go through your things. Maybe your father over-reacted - out of his surprise about what confronted him about your having cigarettes? The home, after all, is not yours - so if he doesn't want smoking in his home - maybe better listen to him. If you smoke elsewhere - that is your decision. Smoking is expensive, and it can be a health concern - so maybe these are aspects that contributed to his anger (because now he had to face the issue of smoking and respond). Smoking is also a potential fire hazard - what if you were smoking at night and fell asleep?