Pt 2: Thin lines between friends and past love

My friend and I got into such a ugly fight tonight. When she had asked me to join her for a walk I knew she had alot on her mind just in her tone of voice. I've known her for so long and because of our intimate past I accept the way she deals with her stress. When she's ready to come to me and talk I'm here for her. Sometimes the best thing you could do for someone is to simply listen and to let them know that they are heard. A quite walk and enjoying one anothers company is just as good.

As we were enjoying our walk, one thing leads to another and we started to have an argument. She kept questioning why am I such a sensitive person, always feeling so tense, not able to relax and that she thinks I only make myself to believe that something horrible is about to happen. I'm the type of girl who gets startle easily and when i feel I'm in a situation that will make me feel uncomfortable I show it. As we were walk after sundown and there were other people that were passing us by. I was cautious and walked alittle bit closer to her and its a natural reaction of mine and soon after that I'm okay.

For some odd reason, more than likely whatever it was that was on her mind that made her want to take a walk in the first place was taken out on me. I told her that she makes me feel so horrible about myself just because I'm sensitive and that I'm comfortable with showing my emotions when I feel uneasy and
threaten. She continued to ask why am I like that way and that I simply need to relax. Her tone of voice was harsh. I told her that this is simply how I've been from the time she's known even when we dated. I was so upset that I called my family to pick me up and she walked the rest way home.

I tried calling her many times tonight and I get the feeling that she's avoiding my calls. I'm tired of hearing her voicemail and I wish I didn't have to resort to sending her an email because it feel so impersonal. I've written her a letter and telling her that I don't think having an intimate relationship would be best because things will only become so complicated. She has such a hard time showing her emotions when she needs me and the worst times she takes it out on me. It is physically and emotionaly draining. Having an intimate relationship would simply not work.

It was just a couple of days ago that she said she still loved me and she realize now that i've only been the one who truly loved her and this is how she wants to show me that she's willing to stick around. I'm just glad that I didn't have to take too much time out to decide what is best thing for me to do.