[deservesbetter]

I could really do with some advice / comfort
My husband left me 3weeks ago I'm dew to have his baby next week.
I have known my hubby for 8years we have been together for 6years, living together for 5years and married for 2 & half years. We had a two year engagement because we didn't want to rush in to things and have always done things at a pace we were both happy with.
We are both 30, I have a 12year old son from a previous relationships which me and hubby have been raising together since he moved in with us.
I had been broody for years but waited patiently for hubby to be ready for the next step, when he said he was ready to try for a baby he was so sure he swapped my birth control for folic acid.
So 3weeks ago I was awoken by my gorgeous hubby we made love/had sex he went to work and I got on with what was normal. cleaning the shed, ordered his birthday gift, walked dogs and started to sort out lunch for when he came in on his lunch break as he did every day.
He sat with his lunch looking pretty un happy so I asked him what was wrong, he said I'm not going to like it! So instantly my pregnancy brain is saying the worsted it could be is he doesn't fancy me while I'm the size of a hippo.
when he eventually comes out with it he says I don't want to be with you any more and that he needs space.
It felt like I had been hit by a bus, I never saw it coming...!
I know he hasn't been the happiest for a couple of weeks, but i had put it down to I had gone in to early Labour at 33weeks which freaked us both out, me being put on house rest until I made it to 36weeks, his work hours, and the usual pre baby worries money, small home, first time dad stuff.
Not I don't want you any more...
I said if you need space your parents are on holiday for a couple more days so you can go have a bit of time to think at theirs. Which he did I truly believe he would make it more than two day with out wanting to be back.
So after 3nights away his parents came home he told them he had left me then came to tell me his plans. "I'm going to stay with a friend until I get a place to stay, You will have to claim benefits, I'm taking the car and their is nothing I can do to save our marriage except give him a lot of space I need to do this".
He now has a temporary flat, and spends all his spare time with new friends he hasn't even known a month, which includes spending a lot of time with an 18year old girl who is calling him her best friend, going to the cinema, bars and generally acting as if he's single and 18 or 19. He isn't wearing his wedding ring which he asks me to keep safe in case he looses it, when I asked him if I could have our marriage certificate he decided to keep it and has it locked in his gun cabinet.
He isn't acting like him self completely pretending to be some one else to the point he went horse riding at the weekend, when he hates horses. He spends almost no time with his real life long friends and hasn't even told some of them.
I just don't know what has gone soooo wrong?
We have spoken since he left which hasn't really given me any real incite, he says he can't bare to live with me anymore, any other things he gives as reasons just seem like silly excuses none of which would be reason enough to quit your marriage and family.
I have got him to agree to meet up tomorrow lunch time, so I can try to arrange how he will help during Labour?
God knows how to deal with out relationships or lack thereof.

Any ideas.....? So confused, hurt, sad and angry

[Lonely_90]

Honestly, I think this is just gitters, hes scared about the new baby, hes 30 its a little early for a mid life crisis, but it could be just that, hes about to be a first time daddy, he might still have things left that he wants to do before the baby comes, My guess is as soon as that beautiful baby pops out, things will go back to normal. best of luck

[lido78]

Wow...this must be incredibly painful for you. I'm going through a surprise break up as well, but yours really puts mine into perspective. I hope that he comes running "home" as soon as he sees the beautiful baby and that he's just freaking out right now. If this is the case, will you accept him back? How do you feel about him?

[gayleggg]

What a jerk to leave at a time like this. I would be oh so angry with him. From what you say, I would think mid-life crisis brought on by too much stress: having new baby etc. However, if he is hanging out with a 18 girl and acting single. I would have to think twice about if I wanted him back. You might ask him to go to counseling with you and see how that goes, but I think right now he is just not ready for the responsibility of a new baby, so he got scared and ran. My heart goes out to you. I hope you have a family or friends suppot system, because I think you may need them. Best wishes on your new baby.

[Yoda]

I wonder if perhaps he may have madonna-***** complex.

The Madonna ***** Complex-When the Father of Your Child No Longer Wants to Have Sex with You - Yahoo Voices - voices.yahoo.com

I'm so sorry for what you're going thru and agree with above that it sounds like he's just freaking out because of the baby, his age etc. Worst case, make sure you are as prepared as you can be for in the event he really doesn't come back..also, try not to be 'clingy' even if its your first reaction. He needs to see you're strong enough to do it without him (even if you don't feel that way...and fact is, sometimes if you act like it you'll start to feel it)...if this *is* a phase, it should bring him back to his senses faster than crying or begging him to come back.

I sure hope everything works out for you. I have similar situation with my man; he needs 'time to himself' but after the last time, I've had it. Now I need time to *myself* and he can spend every waking moment alone if he needs to. And yes this probably will bring him back....but at this point, I don't want or need him. I just hope it doesn't go that far with you and your hubby.

Good Luck!!

[healingme4me]

Sorry to read you are going through this I have a few choice words about his timing and the 18 year old new 'bff', but was taught that if I don't have anything nice to say......

[Anika.]

30 is not really that young to be having a new baby unless 30 is the new 20. As you know since you have a 12 yr old already. Some people cannot handle responsability. I have a few choice words for him myself. It's one thing to be freaking out a bit.... an another to be doing what he is doing especially while you are due with his baby.

I am terribly sorry that you have to deal with this. It's not fair and I know how painful it is. Whatever his excuse is you have to decide what is best for you and your baby and your son. It's not fair to your son either. I hope you have good support and can get through this hard time. My heart goes out to you ...

Try to make sure you take care of you right now. I do agree with KathyOlivia as hard as it might be, it might be in your best interest to play strong. For your own benefit.

It sounds like selfishness to me and don't know what the cure for that is. Even if your are having problems this is not how you go about resolving them when you have a wife a son and baby on the way. You don't put three people out and create turmoil to have some free time.

Maybe some counselling will help, and if he wouldn't go it may still help you to get through this.

[Violeta]

"he gives as reasons just seem like silly excuses"

I bet he is seeing somebody else. Sorry you are going through this. Best of luck.

[deservesbetter]

Update time...
With in two weeks of leaving me the 18 year old is now his girlfriend...!which is just wrong it's the same age gap as between my son and the baby 12years... she is incredibly immature posting her whole life on fb including a post saying (he is mine) I find her quiet laughable,, she can't even see she's with a man that is having a serious break down and using her to help stop what he's really feeling / avoiding having to grow up.
As for the hubby I asked him if he wanted a divorce? he said he thinks it stupid to get a divorce after a short time away (implying his feelings may change) he said he's 80% sure he is never coming back.
I had our daughter two weeks ago she is amassing (and lucky I have so far avoided getting depressed which is shocking considering what has and is happening in my life.)
The Hubby behaved appallingly when I went in to Labour, starting an argument and literary walking out of the hospital, l had to call a friend in the middle of labour to come support me thank God we made those arrangement in case. He did make it back in time to see his daughter being born.
1week later I was rushed in an ambulance to hospital with heavy bleeding, he didn't even come to hospital. I had to have midwives come in on and off all night to lift my baby for me so I could feed her. He drove us home from the hospital dropping us on the doorstep and left.
He visits his daughter 5days a week spending no more than an hour then leaves he's "doesn't have time on the other days", and Heads back to the fantasy world he has created for himself, he can't even see that what he's doing.

I have been printing of evidence from fb and recording when he visits, calls and what has been said between us ready for if this ends up in divorce.
I still hope he will wake up stop seeing the girlfriend and want to come back to me, I know his relationship will fail with the girl, she is incredibly insecure understandably and his family would never accept her.
I don't know if he want one day to come back, if I could ever trust him but I think I would try I still love him, and if we could work it out and fall in love again it would be better than ending up with my son having another step dad one day and my daughter ending up with a step mum (especially if he doesn't grow up and keep picking girls like he's with right now..! Talk about screwing up your kids)
Any one going through something similar....? I would still like some support if any one can give some input/insight...?

Originally Posted by deservesbetter

Update time...
With in two weeks of leaving me the 18 year old is now his girlfriend...!which is just wrong it's the same age gap as between my son and the baby 12years... she is incredibly immature posting her whole life on fb including a post saying (he is mine) I find her quiet laughable,, she can't even see she's with a man that is having a serious break down and using her to help stop what he's really feeling / avoiding having to grow up.
As for the hubby I asked him if he wanted a divorce? he said he thinks it stupid to get a divorce after a short time away (implying his feelings may change) he said he's 80% sure he is never coming back.
I had our daughter two weeks ago she is amassing (and lucky I have so far avoided getting depressed which is shocking considering what has and is happening in my life.)
The Hubby behaved appallingly when I went in to Labour, starting an argument and literary walking out of the hospital, l had to call a friend in the middle of labour to come support me thank God we made those arrangement in case. He did make it back in time to see his daughter being born.
1week later I was rushed in an ambulance to hospital with heavy bleeding, he didn't even come to hospital. I had to have midwives come in on and off all night to lift my baby for me so I could feed her. He drove us home from the hospital dropping us on the doorstep and left.
He visits his daughter 5days a week spending no more than an hour then leaves he's "doesn't have time on the other days", and Heads back to the fantasy world he has created for himself, he can't even see that what he's doing.

I have been printing of evidence from fb and recording when he visits, calls and what has been said between us ready for if this ends up in divorce.
I still hope he will wake up stop seeing the girlfriend and want to come back to me, I know his relationship will fail with the girl, she is incredibly insecure understandably and his family would never accept her.
I don't know if he want one day to come back, if I could ever trust him but I think I would try I still love him, and if we could work it out and fall in love again it would be better than ending up with my son having another step dad one day and my daughter ending up with a step mum (especially if he doesn't grow up and keep picking girls like he's with right now..! Talk about screwing up your kids)
Any one going through something similar....? I would still like some support if any one can give some input/insight...?

I think you're being exceptionally brave! My only advice is keep doing what your doing via evidence of the affair. You may need it when or if divorce happens.

And don't give up on yourself....your kids need you, so concentrate on them. Perhaps when he see's you don't 'need' him he'll decide he needs you. If so...go to counselling, he obviously needs it.

[eskielover]

Personally I would file for divorce & force him to pay child support...no wonder he doesn't want to get divorced....as long as he isn't legally divorced, he can't be held responsible by the court to pay any support for your child that he's the father for....sounds like his not wanting a divorce is just another way he wants to manipulate his lack of responsibility......

Be wise on your part & file for divorce....if he does really want to come back.....worry about it after you make sure you & your new baby are protected from his irresponsibility. Filing for the divorce & nailing him with child may be a wake up call for him to let him know that he can't escape his responsibility & just run away.....but I would definitely NOT just take him back....definitely in the least he would have to be tested for anything he might have picked up through his irresponsible actions.......& I doubt after this that I would ever be able to trust him ever again IMO.

Best wishes.,....no one should be treated like he's treating you